A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi THere,I wonder if you can help. I quite like a man at work but I am not sure how to tell if he likes me back. I've just come out of a long marriage a few months ago and I am ready to start dating again but I am very rusty because I married at 19, had 4 children and my husband left me last year when I was 42. I am quite well preserved and do look after myself but I need to lose about a stone and a half in weight which will help my confidence. I have gone back to work full time and have quite a good job and there is a man from another branch of our offices who comes over every couple of months for meetings. I have seen him 3 times now and he is always friendly and smiles at me. The last time he came over, a few weeks ago, he smiled at me and said 'It's lovely to see you'. He phoned me once with a work query and when I called him back he stayed on the phone for a very long time talking about work but not really essential work talk if you see what I mean. I had to be the one to end the call. This then happened again a week or so later (another long phone call where he was just chatting away and I ended up ending the call). He is in a senior position and is very busy and does not usually spend a lot of time talking to colleagues. I am not sure whether to interpret this as 'interest' or just leave it. He is a good 'networker' from what I understand so i don't want to misinterpret things either. Also, he always sounds genuinely pleased to talk to me and says 'Oh Hello ...NAME' very enthusiastically. However, as I said, I am very rusty and I don't want to embarrass him or me by reading things wrongly. Any suggestions would be welcome. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): Thank you. It is nice to start to feel attractive again and it is pleasant to have interactions with men that are not constant hard work (my husband was what you might call a 'handful'). I shall post again sometime to let you know how I get on. Thanks x
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Thank you for the follow up post; it is nice to know that your words can help someone. I think you sound like you've got your feet under yourself once again, and are looking forward to things! It may just be that your eyes are opened to the possibilities around you and this fellow is just the start of you feeling attractive again.
Enjoy the journey now, don't rush anything, and just enjoy having the 'crush'!
All the best, and let us know in how the next encounter goes! I'm frankly rooting for you and all 'well-preserved' 40-somethings! LOL
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (18 February 2008):
The others have given you good advice, but also double check about his marital status because unfortunately some men give all others a bad reputation.If you get to the point of wanting to spend a little time together away from work, start by meeting for a coffee or a drink (only a drink) after work. That way if it does not work out you have not had a formal date, there is nothing for either of you to feel bad about and it will not affect your work life. If it works you can go on to eat somewhere later, if not, have your couple of drinks then go home. Nothing lost.Go for it. You have nothing to lose but feeling shy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): Thank you Tellulah and Tisha for your lovely thoughtful answers. I'm feeling quite nervous because I was absolutely devastated last year when my husband left me, in fact I was ill with stress, kept catching colds and tummy bugs and had all sorts of funny symptoms and I still had such hopes we would make it work and not throw away all those years and it still makes me sad sometimes to the point where I get tears in my eyes. However I am feeling stronger, more positive and have had attractions to this other man, although he is very different to my ex husband in that my ex husband was sort of what you might call 'neanderthal' and rugged and I was very attracted to that whereas this guy has a much more pleasant personality but is physically more 'middle of the road' and I am not being shallow here, really I'm not, it's just that I've been with this big strong man who I really fancied all those years and it's just still taking some adjusting (although my ex husband's personality was quite mixed up but that is another story). This man at work talks about work, we haven't moved onto social stuff yet and he won't be coming over for another few weeks (he only comes for certain meetings) but I will have cause to phone him before then re a work matter but that won't be for at least another 3 weeks. I do need to find out his circumstances. He does not wear a wedding ring and at the end of the last meeting when my manager engaged in a little bit of non work chit chat about her family with us all (me, my manager, his colleague and himself) he did not mention any family or wife at all. I thought it seemed a bit promising too so perhaps I shall just take it easy, take it as it comes and see if anything ever happens and yes I shall certainly keep any other options open as well. I really would like to have a loving caring relationship with a nice man after all I have been through with my ex husband. Thank you so much for your answers. x
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2008):
Isn't it funny that no matter how old we get, we still have the same question: Does he/she like me? It doesn't matter if you're in grade school or at university or in a nursing home, there's still that uncertainty!
It sounds promising to me. As Tellulah mentioned, find out if he is single or married before you try flirting with him. If he is single, you can let him know you're interested in getting to know him a little better. Smile when you talk with him on the phone--that actually does somehow transmit itself in a warm voice tone.
But do be careful at work; being considered a flirt has rarely helped a woman in her career.
Enjoy the feeling of having a crush on someone, that is so lovely and invigorating! And don't ignore opportunities to meet other men. Just take it slowly and have confidence in yourself.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Ahh! thats a really sweet post. Of course he likes you, otherwise he wouldn't waste so much time talking to you.
You need to find out a little about him, like! is he married or single, then you can start to strike up a conversation about other stuff. If he is single then you could flirt a little with him (discretly of course), sound really pleased to hear from him next time he calls. You know the sort of thing.
Well! good luck, you go for it Girl.
XX
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