A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to break up with my boyfriend but I'm not sure how.He's controlling and quite smothering, and I don't want to break up in person. I have tried before and he cries uncontrollably and begs me to give him more chances etc, and I find it very hard to be assertive.I know if I break up with him in any other way, he will beg me to see him. I don't know if I should, as I feel awful when he cries around me, like I've done something wrong and he always makes me feel like I owe him something.How should I break up with him, and for good? I don't want his crying etc to get the better of me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, spudbro  +, writes (20 July 2008):
awww...how cute, i've learned a new code phrase: "emotional blackmail." his tears couldn't be sincere emotion due to the major investment he's made in this love. you're all so right. dump and run. oh, and make sure you tell the poster all about your love successes. we all landed here for the same reason, unless we're drama queens looking for the latest soap opera to star in.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Yes, sometimes it's just as hard to be the person that does the breaking up, isn't it? You do know that being guilted into staying isn't a big enough bond to keep this relationship going, right? The tears and the emoting that he is pulling is working and keeping him from losing you, so it's kind of controlling behavior, don't you think? You owe it to yourself to move on if the relationship is over for you. Honestly, what is the future for this relationship as it is? Would he feel better if he found out that you have strayed from the relationship because your heart isn't in it anymore? Probably he'd feel even MORE crushed! So you are doing the right thing by breaking it off now. It's hard, but you can't give in this time. There are a lot of web sites that give advice on "How To Break Up". They might give you a few more tips that could make it go more smoothly. Don't back down this time. Look at it this way, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. He can't get over you if you don't let him go!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (16 July 2008):
Awww, emotional blackmail. How nice of him.
If you don't feel strong enough to break free from his manipulative crying then don't do the nice "sitting him down and explaining that things have to end" method of breaking up.
Next time he does something controlling or smothering just turn around and tell him you don't like it and if he ever does it again then it's over.
The next time he does something then you can just tell him, he's had all of his chances and that's it. If he cries then tell him that he should really have thought about it before he was horrible to you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (16 July 2008):
 i know how you feel my first bf was like that..i told him face to face and didnt look at him the whole time because i knew if i did he would reel me back in and i would be stuck in a relationship i hated and i would end up hating him..so if you cant do it face to face then write him a letter, and state the reason and just say that he cant change your mind youve made your discion and it cant be changed.. you have to be strong with this its hard and it hurts but sometimes you have to hurt for the better good. no one likes splitting up with people because we attach and grow bonds but if the bonds arnt working then your living a lie and that can hurt much more..be strong hun. it will work out just dont fold.. hope that helps aphex xx
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