A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I guess I can illustrate my issue with an example. I'm standing in this hip dive bar I like with some friends, and as we sit at a table cracking jokes and making pop culture references, as is the way with most of my social engagements, I see a guy and a girl nearby. The guy is taller than me, bigger built, clearly works out. Manly. I'm seen at the moment as a "hot nerd" when anyone tries to compliment me that way... I'm not in the best shape, although most would say I'm slim, but I'm not toned or muscley. I dress well. Anyway, so this girl is gorgeous. Someone I'd dismiss as out of my league. She's clearly really into the guy, she rubs his upper arm tattoos in admiration and although she's being quite subdued she clearly wants to go back to his place. He seems calm and collected. Anyway, here's my issue. I want that. I'll be upfront and say finding a long term girlfriend right now isn't what I'm after, I just want to have fun and pick people up in the clubs. I guess the advice will mostly involve "start working out", "become more confident", "try to be learn how to be more manly". That's cool.My problem is though that my current friends all sort of frown at the more open people in bars and clubs. Some of them will dismiss dance floors or people who can be confident without making references to cult TV with some sarcastic humor in it. And I feel like that's holding me back because I tend to feel weird about being as social as the most successful people in the club with someone awkwardly hanging around wondering what the hell I'm doing. going alone doesn't seem ideal either. So should I aim to find new friends (not dropping my current ones completely though!) or..? And is it possible to go from average to geniunely sexy to the opposite sex? My brother is considered to be really sexy to women, and we used to look similar, the big difference is he got into working out and hanging around with "lads" whilst I stopped exercising and spent a lot of time online or with nerdier people. Any advice or thoughts would be cool.
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female
reader, Agneta  +, writes (1 October 2012):
 Sign up for a dance class if you can't already. Sure, muscular men can be very attractive at the outside, but fun guys who can dance and "see" the girl are and have always been attractive to most girls, even attractive ones. Maybe you should work out a little bit too. Not necessarily to be that muscular, but to get that good feeling in your body that comes with working out. That can do wonder to your self esteem. Then there might be attractive girls around who think their image gets bad if they hang out with fun, nerdy guys but imagine how fun it would be for you to hang around them for longer time anyways (if we suppose you would work your body into same shape as the guy in your example and you get her attention).And Chigirl knows what she is talking about, many of those super attractive girls most probably wouldn't mind you come up and talk to them (or ask to dance). Some of them are anyway fed up with jerky, hot, muscular guys ;-)
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 If you'd like to come by and spend a few days with me, you might be able to observe (me) and pick up a few pointers.....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 Ditch your friends next time, go out alone. Being in a group limits you and you wont get to know others. The more people you're hanging out with at the club, the less new ones you'll meet. Unless you're willing to arrive with friends, and then leave them during the night to go chat up others.
Who cares if your "friends" will frown upon you. If they're your true friends they'll not care what you want to do. Be different for heavens sake, don't just sit there with "freinds" and have some sort of "geek and socially awkward" label forced onto you if that's not you.
If you can be confident and your friends can't.. well sucks for them. Why should that stop you?
Work out. That's the only thing you mentioned that I'm going to underline. The other things don't matter as much, or will come by itself. Just work out. Not to look like a hulk, but just to look fit. Healthy. Active. Just enough mucles to make you stronger than the girl you've intended to chat up.
Next: don't dismiss anyone as being out of your league. Pretty, amazing and stunning women don't get hit on as much as you might think, precicely because all the decent guys are too scared to make a move. She'll probably just be charmed if you take a chance and show her you've got the balls to talk to her. But don't touch her...! Just be polite and a gentleman...
"And is it possible to go from average to geniunely sexy to the opposite sex?" Yes. But it's mainly about attitude. Sexy is in the way you carry yourself, the way you talk, the way you look at people, the way you move your body, the way you smile. Sexy is an attitude. Change your attitude, and you'll change your level of sexiness as well.
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