A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony aunt,Basically I have been going out with a guy for 5 months and it's going really well, but I only ever get to to see him at weekends.This has not been such a problem as we are constantly in contact over the phone or sykpe messaging, but I have noticed a recurring problem I have, of getting very paranoid and distressed that he suddenly doesn't feel the same way, or that we are growing apart.It has happened a couple of time now, and I have quickly found myself releaved when talking to him, and finding that he does feel the same way, and I am overreacting over very little things - such as not saying I love you when he usually does...or being distracted.I know that this is stupid, and have noticed this as a recurring problem for myself in other relationships. How can I learn to be more trusting, and secure in the knowledge that he isn't going to change his feelings for me all of a sudden? I am worried I will become clingy and overpossesive.Yours, Sarah
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 October 2009):
You need to take a look at your past and see if there is anything that has hurt you? How was your home life, or how did your friends treat you. Your worry comes from something that has hurt you before. When you understand that, you'll be able to cope with your feelings now.
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (16 October 2009):
 This all comes from being insecure. You're reacting that way because you're scared he'll change his mind and things won't work out. Because you're so scared that something will go wrong you pay attention to the smallest details and you overanalyze everything.
You need to realize that if things don't work out in the end it's nothing you can do about, it's just the way it's meant to be. His feelings may change and maybe yours will change as well. It's just life and nothing ever stays the same.
I really do think that everything happens for a reason and that if things are meant to work out they will. If you can believe in this then you can relax and take things as they come. If it's meant to be it will be and there really is no point in worrying.
If you start to worry too much you will get clingy and possessive, as you correctly say. This might actually make him change his mind about you. Be yourself, have fun with him, enjoy the time you spend together...he will really appreciate that and want you even more. All of us like people who make us feel good when we're around them. Don't waste time worrying, enjoy the moment.
Sometimes relationships need to be left alone and allowed to go where the wind takes them...no amount of worrying, pushing, scheming and so on will be good in the end. If you can stop worrying and just enjoy the present time you and your relationship will be better off.
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