A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I have a fairly new boyfriend (about 4 months together, although we've known each other for about 2 years), and I'm having trouble figuring out how much I need to share with him. I grew up with a lot of problems at home, and I'm still dealing with some issues with my family, and my boyfriend is always asking me about it and gets upset when I don't want to talk about it. I've never really been a very open person, and I don't like talking about problems concerning my family because it gets me even more upset about it and also I don't like to sounds like I'm always complaining. So basically I like to just keep quiet, but my boyfriend always feels like I'm shutting him out. So I think my question is, should I be more open with him? Or is it OK for me to tell him to back off when it comes to my personal problems? Thank you all for your opinions! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (16 December 2011):
 You're entitled to privacy doll. It is your family business, not necessarily his. If you're not comfortable in telling, do not tell him. Instead inform a mentor or older person like cindy on here, she's a great parent and can help assist, Im sure. Also, counseling is another option. If your family issues are disabling your personal and dating life somehow, that may need to get sorted out psychologically so the stress is lessened and a goal of resolution can be reached. good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): you should thank him for his concern, but explain to him that you feel very uncomfortable talking about certain things and would appreciate it if he would respect your boundaries and not push them. Tell him that you will share more when you feel ready.
I think he needs to respect your boundaries, because it's rude not to. even though he cares when he sees you're upset, he should still respect your boundaries if you're telling him you dont' wish to talk about certain things in your past. It's not like since he's your bf he has a right to know every little thing about you even if it traumatizes you to relive it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlright, thank you both for your responses! Its not so much that I'm uncomfortable with talking to him about those things, its just that I find them really hard to discuss in general. I know he is well meaning when he's asking me about it but sometimes I just get worked up and upset over it because it's a difficult topic. I think you both are right that maybe it would be a good idea for me to share more with him, and I will definitely work on being more open. Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, SmilySmily  +, writes (16 December 2011):
I think talking to him about your problems will definitely help you- get off your chest thing..but if you really do not want to talk about it then maybe you can tell him that, talking about it gets you upset so you would rather talk about something else with him but make sure to mention that you really appreciate him caring about you and that is so sweet of him to asking you if you are okay and all. I think he would understand your situation and wait for you to feel more comfortable..
you do not need to share everything but make sure that the other one do not misunderstand you thinking that you do not like him or her :)
hope this helps!!
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX  +, writes (16 December 2011):
 It's really sweet of him to care, and it shows that he really loves you if he wants to hear about your problems. :) However, you don't 'need' to share anything like this if you don't want to, and you could simply tell him in a gentle way that whilst you think its really nice he cares and is worried about you, there are some parts of your life you don't really feel comftable talking about.
But talking to someone about your problems can help a lot and helps lift the weight off a bit :)I don't think he'll think you're always complaining~ especially as he wants to hear/help you.
Good luck ^_^
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): Are you comfortable with telling him your personal problem? Sometimes it is good to tell your partner what you are feeling or what is bothering you. He will be there for you and it'll help him understand what you are going through. he's your boyfriend, the new part of your life. Let him be in it and know what going on. Who knows maybe he can help make things easier for whatever it is your going through. I hope this helps!
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