A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have recently just split up with a guy that I've been seeing for 8 Months. I have 2 children from a previous relationship, which he accepted and grew close to. Throughout the relationship we enjoyed do many things together, holidays and not a day went by when we didn't message each other. He said he loved me and would often make plans for the future. We discussed having a child together, which was his choice not mine and things seemed to be going well. Last week we had an argument over him spending loads of time at work and not really being around. Since then we have split up. Ive apologised and spoke to him and told him how I felt. But he just either ignores me or refuses to talk to me and said he doesn't think it will work. How can we go from being so in love to nothing? I just don't understand it and I'm left devastated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): I have experienced something very similar. When my husband left me he started spending lots of time at work and made loads of excuses as to why he could never be at home and then when we argued he turned it all round on me giving him an excuse to go. It transpired that he had wanted out for ages but didn't really want any conflict - all men shy away from conflict - so basically said and did nothing. My go at him was the excuse he needed to be able to feel he was justified in leaving. I too texted him and rang him but he would never return my calls. The only thing I ever got from him was a solicitors letter asking for a divorce and that was the only contact in 3 months. Even all through the divorce courts he never spoke a direct word to me or would even look at me. You are better off without him. 8 months is heart wrenching but in the grand scheme of things not that long. I am so sorry that this has happened to you and I can really feel your pain. The chap was obviously gutless and although you are upset and probably still want him back, in the long run this is for the best. Horribly as happened to me he had already made his mind up that he no longer wanted to be with you and was looking for a way to engineer his departure. Not worth any more tears xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): It is very hard but it seems he's just fallen out of love with you. Eight months is long enough to form a strong bond but short enough to realise that it is not working for him. That's it. You have to find a way through this.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine  +, writes (16 December 2011):
 I went through something similar this past year with someone I was with for 6 months. I also have two children and he grew close with them and pratically lived with us. Well, long story short... He grew further and further apart from me after (what I thought was true love.) He picked a fight with me one night, for no reason at all and blew out of the house and didn't come back. I was in denial about all of this, wanting us to stay together and tried to make amends. Well, one day he just stopped calling/texting me & I found out later the next day he was facebook friends with his ex girlfriend. His bestfriend called me to tell me that he moved back with her. It was out of the blue!! I was devistated too!! Some guys, not all... try to avoid the issue of breaking up ( no balls ) Well needless to say, I am so happy he left & found a wonderful guy :)!! He was an ass and is back and fourth with his ex-girlfriend with them breaking up every so often. You too, will eventulally find the right guy and you'll thank god that jerk is gone! :) Good luck ;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): It was 8 months not 8 years, plus no children together, sadly he clearly wasn't as into you as you were him.
Now all you can do is accept it is over, done, finished.
Hard I know,very hard, but you will drive yourself mad if you keep going down the same route,asking the same question. You need to focus on yourself and your kids, not some bloke who doesn't want to be with you or part of your family.He isn't worth your time.
You will meet other men, THE one in fact, eventually,even though you can't see it now.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 December 2011):
 Oh boy. In truth, I think he had been pulling away for some time, and the argument just gave him the excuse or the "catharsis" to end it and feel justified in doing so. The reason I think this way is that many people (guys and girls included) will start pulling away from their partners using excuses such as work or other things and becoming not that available. Then when the situation is addressed and tempers flare, then they'll end it instead of having an honest "I no longer feel the same" discussion that leads to a breakup.
This is why he's not coming back even after you've apologized. He's been wanting an out for whatever reason.
Best thing for you is to give yourself time for healthy mourning, then pick yourself up, move on away from your relationship with him and towards the future, and don't feel like it's your fault for daring to confront him, when in truth, he instigated it passive aggressively by wanting to break up all along.
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