A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So me and my girlfriend were just chilling in my room the other day when I randomly just told her to sit down on the bed, and suddenly she is talking about how she liked it and wants me to be more dominant/ controlling in the relationship. I was like, whoa Black Betty, settle down. I'm not really that kinda guy, but I think it would be fun, any tips on how I could be more assertive without coming off as an asshole? Like, where do girls set the limit between what is being controlling and just being a megalomaniac? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 September 2012):
 My advice, start out small. See how she responds. She's already told you that she'd like you to take control. It doesn't mean you need to go from who you are to "Sir Stephen"(Story of O - if you are not familiar) overnight.
I do agree that I would ask her to be specific in what she wants, maybe not HOW you do it or HOW you word things, but what she wants.
Does she want to add a little kink? And if she does, what kind? And so forth. Talk to her about fantasies, it might inspire you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2012): With all due respect to person12345 I think asking her kind of defeats the purpose of being assertive because again you're giving her control over how you're assertive and still dancing to her tune. Plus the most likely answer you'll receive is "I dunno, surprize me" or "I shouldn't have to tell you" or something.
OP the first and most important thing to remember is that she's with you for who you are and the way you are, don't try and change that, just add in a little of dominant play sometimes.
Persone12345's cinema suggestion is a good one but I'd word it a little less forcefully, more like "I'm going to grab two tickets for the cinema tonight any preference on what we go see?"
"I'm going to a gig on Friday, you coming?"
When in intimate situations it's simply a matter of commands, such as how you did it when you said to sit down. Again not over the top, simply things like when you want to kiss her all over, "lie back and relax" if she starts talking gently place your finger on her lips and softly say "shh, no talking" with a smile on your face and maybe a wink. You know? Things like that.
As I said before though OP remember not to overdo it, she's with you for you and it's a case of 'be careful what you wish for..."
Just add it in from time to time as a bit of a game, something spontaneous designed to mix things up.
I find one of the biggest mistakes guys make is that they listen to what girls want and try to change themselves accordingly, that's never necessary, if she didn't like the way you were and who you are then she wouldn't be with you.
Just toy around with this from time to time but not all the time. A bit of a fun little game and nothing more.
This is great little cartoon and is so very true on so many different levels:
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5etwvDOPN1qdysx8o1_500.jpg
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 September 2012):
 There is no line for women where we want it. Some women find it a turn on, others don't. You just need to ask her what she wants. Especially with sex, you need to ask what she wants from that and not assume anything.
If you want to try it, don't say things with questions. Like don't ask, do you want to go to a movie tonight? Just say, we're going to a movie tonight. Simple.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 September 2012):
Hi there. Just tell her that you are not the dominant, controlling type.
You need to have a chat about what each of your expectations are of the relationship.
You both need to be clear on what it is that you both want in a relationship.
Ideally, it should be fifty fifty.
Not one person dominant and the other subservient - that won't work really.
You both need to be happy with the way things are.
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