A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have been with a girl for a long time now, and things have always been fine up until recently. Lately she's been saying that she needs more aggression from me, but I am not an aggressive person and I get nervous being aggressive around her because I am bigger than her. It is affecting our sex life tremendously and to be honest, I have no idea how to be an aggressive person in the way she wants me to be. I love her and she is so special to me, but there are just some things I really feel incapable of doing, what can I do to be more aggressive and intense with her?
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female
reader, don't take his shit 1  +, writes (2 March 2009):
She wants to feel feminine to your masculinity.Be assertive,not agressive.When you kiss her, hold her her head and slightly pull her hair as if you don't want to let her go.She will love it when you take control over little things like holding on to her and moving her up onto you, or find some new sexual positions for you both to try. She will enjoy you moving her into position as it will give you power, which is what she wants.Let her see you are in control, even if you think you are not, you really are. It's all about role playing and fantasy.Whisper naughty things in her ear now and then make her laugh, tickle her, hold her hands down so she can't move them and kiss her passionately. Tell her what you love about her. Just say what's in your mind. Believe you are a sexy beast. That is all she wants.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (9 February 2009):
 I agree with Kepi, maybe aggressive isn't the word she's looking for. Maybe she's looking for more assertiveness. Do you initiate sex? Do you push her up against a wall and kiss the bejesus out of her just because? Do you pick her up (literally pick her up, SO SEXY!) and switch positions during sex? You are bigger than her, maybe she wants to feel 'taken' by you, her big, burly man.
You can be more assertive by asking for her to do certain things to. Taking charge in the bedroom means asking for what you want. Of course, don't push any boundaries she's uncomfortable with, but you can still spice things up. Maybe give her a couple of spanks while you're at it. Blindfold her or tie her up with one of her scarves.
Think creatively and maybe you'll feel more comfortable if you make a 'safe word', so you'll know if you are hurting her, overwhelming her, anything. It sounds like you're nervous about hurting her or going too far... it will make you feel better if she can tell you right away if you need to slow down. Be sure to keep that communication open and honest.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Kepi +, writes (9 February 2009):
 Maybe aggressive is the wrong word??? Maybe she wants you to be more assertive, taking control. Make decisions for her, don't make the mistake of letting her choose, women do prefer more dominating guys.... don't ask her where she wants to go, what she wants to do, tell her..... As she sees the more confident new you, then the magic comes back into your life..........
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A
male
reader, aman +, writes (9 February 2009):
Possibly she is asking you to be more dominant...Try these:- When you are in bed, command her to do things (beg for you, spread her legs, whatever)- Hold her hands above her head while having sex. Some girls like to be held down.- See if she likes her ass to be slapped... tell her why you're doing it, like to punish her for something.Be creative. Take new things slow at first, or ask her ahead of time. If she doesn't like something, don't do it.
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