A
female
age
26-29,
*hHeyLo
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months now. Our relationship didn't start off very good-- he had a girlfriend at the time we got together, and it went against everything I thought that I stood for, because I strongly disagree with cheating. So, as any couple that results from a previous cheating relationship, we had trust issues on top of his already possessive and jealous personality. We had a very mature sexual relationship from the beginning, and sometimes we both feel that we moved too fast. We fight over trivial things, he's often very moody and it comes from his unhappiness in our relationship. We've talked about it before, and he made this comment: "I want you to be my best friend. I want to be able to tell you everything, to laugh with you, feel comfortable and have fun and have good conversations with you. I just don't feel that." It broke my heart when he said this because I've always tried to be the best girlfriend to him that I can be. I've had bad history with relationships in the past, so its hard for me to communicate and let people in sometimes. We recently broke up, but he wants us to just take some time apart to try and fix things. What I want to know is: Why do you think we don't have that kind of "best friend" mentality? Do you think it has something to do with the short amount of time we were together before having a sexual relationship and how our relationship began? How can I make him feel more comfortable talking to me? How can I learn to communicate? Most importantly, how can I be his best friend, give him the kind of relationship he wants? Please help me, I love him so much and I want to make our relationship better so that he cam be happy.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 June 2010):
 Well, me and my fella have been together for 5 years and we always say that we're best friends who have sex. I think that comes from the happiness in just hanging out and being silly.
Can you two be doing nothing and still have fun? If you fight, do you get over it quickly and get back to laughter? Do you just hang out? All of those things seem like things my fella and I do, that's what speaks to me as: we're best friends. We can sit and play "Desert Island" (e.g. "You can bring three celebrities with you to your desert island, who do you pick?") for five hours while he fixes his car.
It sounds like you guys had a rough start, and maybe that has gotten in the way of totally relaxation and security. I think, most importantly (this is a challenge) - you need to relax. Both of you, just need to relax. Be able to drink a few beers while doing nothing - and enjoy it! Be able to watch a game, or see a show, just enjoying the time you're spending together. Comfort should be implicit.
I don't think sex has much to do with it. That should just enhance the friendship. That's what takes friendship to a different, special, unique level. That's why you're in love - because you can do nothing and everything together.
Good luck, sweetness!
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