A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I be happier being a stay at home wife? I feel stuck. I am a stay-at-home wife (not mom). About 50% of my time is spent at home working on a project I've been developing for several years and hoping it will come to fruition. The rest of the time I am doing light housekeeping and fighting boredom. On the flip side, I am kind of a homebody. There are two reasons for this: a) I have a slight case of social anxiety and b) I have gained weight because of the change in lifestyle, not because I gorge myself but because I am not as active as I once was. I have a hard time trying to feel pretty when I feel fat. This just makes my social anxiety worse, so it's a bad cycle. Over the last few years we have moved into smaller and smaller cities. I can't get anywhere without a car. I do not have a license. (Not because it was suspended.) I am literally trapped in the house while my husband is at work. There is no place to go and nothing to see but other houses. I can read, I can clean cat litter. But I am so goddamn depressed.My husband recently went away on work for a few days and I am so angry at him and pretending not to be. He went to a movie alone, which would be okay if I wasn't thinking, when was the last time you took ME to a movie? He ate out each night and went to bars. (When was the last time... you get it.) I sarcastically say, wow all these things are fun and he says "Well you can't blame me, it's so boring staring at a wall most of the day." This makes me want to scream. Does he think my day is all lollipops and fun? Sometimes I think he does.It is hard because I chose to be a stay at home wife and my husband works hard to support us and my dreams. I don't want to go back to a job that makes me miserable--my last job broke me--but I feel like I've trapped myself. How can I be happier being a stay at home wife?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): If you are bored being a stay at home wife then don't be a stay at home wife.Get a job. At the least it will give you a sense of purpose, you'll make friends or at least have people to converse with, and it will make your time at home more valuable. If you cant drive, ride a bike or take the bus. Ask your husband to buy you an electric bicycle as it will greatly increase the distance you can ride comfortably so its a more viable means of transportation. Or else, spend at least 20 hours a week doing volunteer work for charities. So many non profits need committed regular volunteers for a wide range of things. Do something useful and contribute to society. That will also make you feel better as there will be meaning to your life. I am involved in some non profits and wish I had someone paying my bills for me I can quit my job and spend all my time working for the non profits to help make the world a better place. You are in such a privileged position but are squandering it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2013): Its a different time now thatn it was 50 years ago when most married women didn't work, and they found company with other women like them. On one side you are very fortunate to have a husband who provides financial security for you, on another you have loads of free time. Hopefully your project will come to life, but in a mean time you need to get out of that house. May I ask, why you don't drive. You are very young not to be able to learn how to drive. You could drive your husband to work and have a car all to yourself. Then sign up with GYM, and may be meet other women who don't work. There are plenty of things to do, I ve met all my friends through hobbies. Take some dance classes, or adult Ed classes . There should be a list of them on line. But you need a car to do all of these things. Also I don't understand why you never go out with your husband? What is the problem? Your mild social entirety doesn't let you do that ?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (28 September 2013):
 I do yoga and Tai chi in my home, using YOUTUBE vids of which there are many and lots for beginners. I also think it is an excellent idea that you get your driver's licence (as some of the aunts have suggested) as it will give you a massive boost. I didn't learn to drive until I was 32 and it changed my life as I had two young children and was able to take them for days out and on vacation.
I think you are just feeling isolated and sorry for yourself, but you have to find things you are comfortable doing because nobody else can come rescue you.
Once you are out and about you may be able to find a part time job, that way you can devote time to home as well as having some independence socially and financially.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 September 2013):
You should start with ACTUAL communication, not sarcasm.
Being a stay at home anything is boring, there's no two ways about it. There's not much you can do to make it better. A couple of suggestions would be to watch less tv and read more books, as well as start working out at home.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (27 September 2013):
 You say you chose to be a stay at home wife and are unhappy.
So do something about it. Stop looking for excuses as to why you can't.
You overeat because you're bored so fill your time.
Loads of people can't drive but they get out and about, there are bikes, buses, trams, trains or good old fashioned walking. These things all involve exercise so will help you get fitter and maybe lose a few pounds.
You say you would like your husband to take you out to a movie or to dinner or to a bar, yet say you don't go out due to social anxiety! Which is it?
Your husband works all day and comes home to a wife who is doing what she chose to do, and is miserable!
I don't mean to be hard but I know how you feel and the only person who can change your circumstances is you.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and think about what you want. Do you want to drive? If so, get your license! Do you want your business plan to succeed? Then see what needs to be done, research it and make it happen.
Take up a new hobby, read, write a book, do handicrafts, paint, take up an instrument, and join a group or club for whatever hobby you choose to meet new people and get out more.
Find out what's on at the movies and ask your husband if he'd like to go out with you, invite him out for a meal or meet him at a bar and have a few drinks together.
Put the fun back in your life.
Failing that get a job, either paid or as a volunteer somewhere.
Life is what you make it, go out there and live it.
I wish you well AB x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): Get your license, start working out at home, start playing games online, take up a new hobby. Start watching more documentaries, reading books, learning new skills, maybe learn a new language, learn to play a musical instrument, buy a telescope and take up astronomy, learn to paint, start an online college course on coursera.
There's tonnes of things you can do. With internet connection I don't know how anyone can get bored.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 September 2013):
You should start with ACTUAL communication, not sarcasm.
Being a stay at home anything is boring, there's no two ways about it. There's not much you can do to make it better. A couple of suggestions would be to watch less tv and read more books, as well as start working out at home.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): for solo activities, how about learning to play a new instrument or if you want to be less sedentary start jogging/get an indoors exercise bike/treadmill or register to the local gym?
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