A
female
age
36-40,
*ellybeans20009
writes:Help me....I've been dating this person for 4-5 days and he is scaring me off with jokes about marriage and making future plans to meet my family and spend the holidays together. We've known eachother for a few months now, in which he expressed his strong interest. I wasn't interested. Then he put me into the friend zone and he started to relax and I could see his good qualities better. He appeared more confident and sure of himself. That was the point I realized I returned his feelings and then we discussed it and started talking about dating.But Now I am really worried and am not sure how to go about it. I feel like it's resorted back to how things were before. It's gotten from me really liking him to...I really don't want to hurt his feelings. I get this sense the relationship will be very uneven at this point and I am definitely DEFINITELY NOT ready to get hitched. It's only been 5 days! Is this a sign? What do I do? I already tried to tell him to take things slow, but even jokes are really not funny this early on. A part of me is already making exit plans. BUT he's a friend of a friend and I don't want to go flaky and I still think I like him? I"m only 25... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (28 September 2013):
Well finally after hearing many female friends who are always saying that men are non committal and do not want to develop any relationships and along comes a man who breaks the mold. Now you are startled or confused or just befuddled? It is quite possible he is reacting to you and interpreting your signals that you give out in the wrong way. I guess it is up to you to respond to his statement. He may of just come from a relationship where the woman accused him of being no committal and not wanting to develop a relationship or better known as the whole package.So he may be over compensating and just has come and said in so many words, hey I want a relationship with you, I want more than just being intimate. I really want to spend the holidays with you and meet your family. So I believe he said that for another reason. If i met a woman wearing a tight short dress and wearing a top that showed her assets I would be confused also. So if this relationship is going to be more than a intimate one he is playing it safe and laying everything out for you. My girlfriend does not dress like I told you about but there are a lot of woman that still do. What are you saying other than hey look at me I am a woman and I have it all. Do you want intimacy? Do you want a fling? Do you just want a hookup? Do you just want to socialize and dance and have fun other than the horizontal mamba? So it is up to you to tell this guy, I get what you're saying but this is what I want out of a developing relationship between the two of us. Be clear and specific. He may honestly might be trying to flirt with you and let me tell you it is not a easy skill and I am still working on it after a relationship with my girlfriend of over four years. Get clarity and communicate. Be gentle but firm if you find out that is what he wants from a developing relationship with you. If he is genuine then you might have a keeper here. There are not to many men like him around any more. But tell him that what he wants is possible but your budding relationships has many hurdles before you get near anywhere close that he wants to be. Good-luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): Babbit is completely right. He's just at a later stage of things to you. No need to be afraid OP, just understand where he is emotionally.
I mean he got you OP, he's liked you for months and finally you like him too. All he's doing is jumping for joy, take it as a compliment. Seriously it's only been five days. Remember the first time you were crushing on a guy and he finally asked you out? You kind of lose it a bit don't you? Suddenly everything is amazing, your life is complete etc. it's pretty normal to overreact like that.
Just don't take it as him moving fast and just react individually to each joke. They are only jokes so take them that way but do let him know that it makes you feel uncomfortable for such topics to be raised so soon. You don't find those jokes funny.
Seems you're freaking out a bit OP, the guy is just excited, you surely know how it is. Just relax, don't take him too seriously and give him more time to get used to the idea that this amazing girl he's wanted for a while now has given him a chance.
It's worth giving him a bit of time don't you think?
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (27 September 2013):
 He's had months thinking about you and wanting to be in a relationship with and now he is, he's clearly much further down the road than you are.
I'm not surprised this is putting you off, he really does need to put the breaks on. The only plus here is at least you know he's not scared of commitment :)
You need to tell him exactly what you've told us, that you grew to like him, once he calmed down a bit and was less "full on", but that now, he's gone back to being over the top and it's scaring you off.
He can then calm down, and give you two a chance, or lose you forever.
If however, you know in your heart that this isn't right and you're unhappy, then end things honey.
You're only 25 and the start of a relationship should have you floating around on a cloud of excitement with a soppy grin on your face.
It doesn't matter who he's a friend of and who may be disappointed if it doesn't work out, this is YOUR life and it's important that you're happy.
I wish you luck and hope it works out.
Hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): Next time he jokes about marriage, you should say back in a joking tone "that wont happen for another 10 years!"
Hey if he is going to be dropping hints about his intentions via joking because he is afraid to be direct, you can do the same back.
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