A
female
age
30-35,
*roofroo22
writes:Hello everyone!I had gone on a date with a guy on Saturday that I had been talking to for about a week. I am a confident woman and know that I have a lot to offer to a man, however...He was so attractive and a bit older than me, so I had gotten incredibly nervous--even before the date. I was so nervous that even having a cocktail at the restaurant didn't help--it might have even made me a little unfiltered too!! I thought we had a good time, laughed and we even kissed. He texted after the date saying that he "had a blast." In hindsight, I look back and realize that I was so nervous that I did unfavorable things. I might have made myself look unfeminine or unclassy because of some crude jokes I made (which he thought was funny/isnt the type to get offended). Or you know how you get nervous and let it out physically through gestures and arm movements, or a raise in voice? I did that a bit. Maybe I spoke too much at one point out of nervousness and tipsy-ness. (I only had one cocktail)This was Saturday night and it's already Thursday night and he hasn't reached out. He even blocked me on FB the day after out date--(We're not even friends on FB)No, I didnt do anything for him to think I'm psycho.But it just hit my ego hard to get blocked and I look back @ how stupid I was out of being so nervous. I feel like I ruined it and maybe I could have been more feminine or made classier jokes. I keep getting mad at myself. I keep going over the date in my head and saying, "Omg I shouldnt have done that!" But it's so hard to not feel pressure to leave a good impression. I'm afraid of messing up on acting or saying certain things like not being mysterious enough while also not being boring. It's hard to control when your heart is pounding and you're nervous!I can't stand the thought of blowing it with this awesome guy who is funny, smart, fun and handsome. Any advice on how to stay calm? Has this happened to you before? Can you relate or am I just a total dating fail? Any words of comfort would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, froofroo22 +, writes (15 February 2016):
froofroo22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your insightful opinions, guys! I appreciate the time put into writing your responses ! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2016): it sounds like he's got a wife or girlfriend-you didn't do anything wrong for him to block you on fb and you are over analysing things,he's probably been busy with her and he'll contact you again when he's bored or fancies trying to get a shag out of you.just forget about him but if he contacts you again you know I was right lol.i don't know if you've just come out of a long relationship and you're not used to going on dates but you seem pretty anxious-it could be from the alchohol you know-I know you only had one drink but it can affect people like that.if I have even one drink I feel anxious for days afterwards and worry about how I acted when I was drinking,even though I'm no lightweight-it takes about 20 units for me to get so drunk I start making a fool of myself or being rude to people but one drink will leave me feeling horribly guilty the next day even if nothing happened I will be wracking my brain for what I should feel guilty for!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2016): You fail to realize this guy may already have a girlfriend and he could have been out on a little fling for an evening. You're apparently an attractive woman; if he wanted to actually meet and go out with you. If he has all the traits you've given him. It's likely he's cherry-picking his way through a list of online dates. You simply got your turn. No loss, no foul. He may have only been after sex, and it didn't happen on the first date.
Sweetie, it's a bit suspect when a guy completely cuts you off on one date. He knows what nervousness is, and it can happen to anyone. He may have been looking for a type, and some people are just that inflexible and direct. So don't punish yourself over not getting his approval and validation.
You've placed too much power in his hands to judge you; and you barely even know the guy. Big deal, he blocked you on Facebook. That's not a tragedy. Don't take something so adolescent so personally. You're placing way too much blame on yourself for not suiting his taste; that you forgot to evaluate him to see if he was worth his salt. Just because he was a handsome guy, doesn't make him good inside and out. Just nice to look at. He may be very shallow and you can't sum him up in one date. Nor vice versa.
Shake it off, girlfriend! Toss your hair, and straighten your skirt. Adjust your makeup, and on to the next guy. You'll do much better next time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 February 2016):
 It's OK, time to stop beating yourself up and learn from that date what you can.
HE is no prize. HE is a coward who lied to your face and then slipped the stiletto into your back.
BLOCK and DELETE his number and chalk the date up to a mistake.
Like Auntie Cindy said, next time you will do better. No drinking next time and maybe consider what topics and subject you want to chat about. And... if you tell a guy RIGHT OFF THE BAT that you are a little nervous, he might cut you and himself some slack. Take control if yourself and the situation. If you feel like you are "being a little over the top" take a bathroom back and reign yourself in.
It was one date. If this guy can't see past your nervousness, he wasn't it. His loss.
Don't give up on yourself. You can do this.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 February 2016):
 Uhm. The guy may be funny , smart, and handsome... but he is not very kind hearted , or tolerant, or even polite.
Yes, blocking you on Facebook is a harsh and unnecessary move. The date may not have been a total success in his eyes, still you don't have leprosy or rabies , that he needs to stave off any possible move of yours. If he did not want a second date, all he had to do was - what he is doing now, i.e. not contacting you . And in case you had not got the hint and decided to ask him out again, all he had to do was to say politely " I am sorry, I don't think it would work ".
So, don't beat yourself up anyway- it does not sound as if you have missed a great catch.
( Always assuming that he is not going to reach out ever ; which would be premature since it is ONLY Thursday , and ONLY 4 days from your date. Then again, yes, blocking you on Facebook sounds like a " don't even go there " kind of thing. )
Plus, you don't know for sure if he did not follow trough exactly because of your being antsy. He may not have noticed or minded that , but noticed or minded something totally different. First dates are always a bit of a hit or miss kind of thing, and always a bit of a game of chance , and subject to personal quirks and foibles. Maybe you said something that reminded him of an evil ex , maybe you are a Scorpio and he does not date Scorpios, you know, all kinds of unpredictable, irrational stuff.
At times, you can be a person with objectively a lot to offer - only that the things you have got to offer are not those that the other looks for or values.
No much to do other than developping a sporting spirit : if you hit the bull's eye, great !,- if you don't, fine, it will go better next time, thank you for playing and byebye- next !
There's a simple thing though that you can do to keep your stage fraight under control, and it is : do NOT drink. Obviously Dutch courage is not for you. Apparently drinking before the audition , so to speak, does not make you casual and debonair, but just loud and clumsy.
So, skip it. You'll be nervous but,.. that's not such a negative thing you know ? you'll show yourself just as you are, a normal, natural person who, as it is normal and natural, gets a bit worked up before an unusual situation. Plus, when you are " naturally " nervous... I don't know, often it is endearing, it is cute , it says hey, I am human, I have my vulnerabilies, and I CARE lots about impressing you,- which is always flattering for your date.
When you are "drunk " nervous, well, as you know, there's the risk of becoming obnoxious-nervous, or OTT -nervous, or "people are staring at you " nervous, and understandably many people do not particularly appreciate that.
So next time- just be your nervous adorable self - an intelligent , sensitive date will find the way to make you feel more at ease after the first, understandable moments of awkwardness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2016): When ive been on dates and been rebuffed i just think if they didn't like me 'balls to them' lol somebody else will. I can't stand itywhen people get all uppity Because you are a bit loud or had a drink.not to say that's what happened with you probably you just werent compatible. you had one cocktail big deal! It's called going out and having fun. Don't judge yourself just be you. Forget it plenty more fish and all that. Personally i think someone who blocks people they aren't even friends with after one date seems somewhat anal to me
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