A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so, long story short, my mother didn't tell my father that she was pregnant with me before he left. She died when I was six and then a decade later of being moved around from foster home to foster home, my lovely social worker-person who has been with since my mother died, found my father. Surprise surprise, he didn't even know I existed.He was surprised, I guess but wanted to take responsibility for me. And after a bunch of drama, I got to move in with him and his family at the beginning of this month. He's a nice dude, loves his family a lot and owns his own company. His wife is nice too. I'm just confused; I now have two half-brothers and a stepbrother who don't talk to be at all, just stare at me. I sound like such a baby, I know, but I don't understand. I guess I just don't know my place with them. For example, do I call him dad? Would it be rude since I don't know him and haven't really seen much of him since they picked me up at the airport? Why do my 'brothers' treat me so weird? Do they even want me here?What I'm asking is what is the best way to talk to them (that's not really my forte by the way)? What would be the best way to adjust? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): Just give it time, eventually everyone will settle down and get used to the new situation. In the meantime, pretend that you are a guest in their house - honor their rules, help out around the house like with chores and stuff and so on.
How old are your brothers? if there is much of an age difference that is as much a factor in the awkwardness as the fact that you are suddenly in each other's lives. Just go slow, don't try to force a relationship, just let them naturally get used to you and vice versa. eventually you'll start talking more.
Again, just give it time.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 December 2010):
 Your step brother and half brothers probably do not know their place with you either. That is why they do not know how to act. So many questions to ask, and so much of it of a personal nature. It can make anyone feel intimidated.
First talk to your father and ask him what he would like to be called. Start there. Next, the two of you can talk to his wife and see what she would like to be called.
Just like it is very different for you to suddenly have an instant family, it is very different for your family to now have you. Given you past, you likely imagined meeting a family that was yours because you knew that your father was out there somewhere. Your father and his family had no idea you even existed. So this is completely new for them.
They do not know if you are a threat to the family in some way, and they probably do not know how to re act in the situation of instant-sister.
Talk to your social worker again and see if you can get suggestions about family and trust building exercises you can do with your new family.
-Frank
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (18 December 2010):
Hi there. It is going to be a bit strange for a little while, but you are in the best place. It's got to be better than going from foster home to foster home all the time.
You now have a real chance at a true family situation.
Your new siblings are in exactly the same situation as you are, they also feel a bit strange. It's understandable. You are all complete strangers to each other at the moment.
The only thing you can do, is to get to know each other. What you will be doing, is building new friendships with them. After all, brothers and sisters are basically friends - as well as relatives. They support each other emotionally, and listen to each other when they want to talk.
Reach out to them, but try not to make it all happen too fast. Little bit by little bit. There's a few years of catching up on, and it will take a few months - but well worth the effort.
My suggestion is to just gradually get to know what their interests are, likes and dislikes etc. Movies they like, tv shows, just everything and anything. It's going to be a new adventure for all of you from now on. It's a really positive thing if you consider it in that way. It will be as much of an adventure for your new found siblings, as it will be for you. It should actually be a lot of fun.
You now have a new home! How wonderful! Enjoy every minute of it, it's going to be well worth it, I assure you.
My very best wishes to you all. Take care.
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