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How can I accept that I have herpes?

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Question - (6 September 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 6 September 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

i need help with accepting i have herpes. Anyone know of a better way to think about it? besides having a dreadful permamnent disease?

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A male reader, Ashley0112358 United Kingdom +, writes (6 September 2011):

Ashley0112358 agony auntHmm, well maybe i should post as an anon but i wont.

I too have herpes, as does my girfriend. Its all my fault too. I have had cold sores since i was a kid, cold sores being a herpes simplex virus.

Problem is, i gave her it from a cold sore, and she gave it to me from intercourse.

It might seem dreadful, but it really isnt as bad as it seems.

I know it is scary, having a STD//STI (whatever the correct one is these days) but it is actually extremely common.

Here are some facts from herpes.org.uk (for more relevant facts please check your local health authority website):

1. Most people have herpes simplex - 70% have facial herpes (cold sores) and 10% have genital herpes in the UK. These figures are even higher in other countries including the USA and the developing world

2. Three quarters don't know they have it: 1 in 4 will have no symptoms; 2 in 4 will have only mild symptoms and are unlikely to be diagnosed; 1 in 4 will have more noticeable symptoms and will be diagnosed.

3. Herpes simplex is seldom of any medical importance - some people are quite ill when they catch it but so are some people who catch flu.

4. It is not incurable - your immune system cures it very well and stops recurrences for most people.

5. There are good treatment methods for the unlucky few - medication or herbal treatments and improved lifestyle management.

6. It's not the only infection that stays with us once we catch it - chickenpox and glandular fever also hide in the body but no one makes a fuss about them.

A way to think of it, is that its like the flu, we all have it in our body, and we all pass it around, its not terrible, but we try our best not to spread it, by taking actions like using a tissue and washing our hands after sneezing.

As an American you can think of it like its "cooties", a disease that is over-exagerated and made a big deal of. According to scholars "cooties" were actually made up to prevent children coming into close contact with each other, so that germs and viruses were not passed on easily.

Herpes simplex (cold sores) are usually around the mouth, imagine how easily they would spread, if parents hadnt told their kids that kissing the opposite sex would give you "cooties."

Im sorry if this hasn't been too helpful, but i wish you the best of luck.

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A male reader, IHateWomanBeaters United States +, writes (6 September 2011):

IHateWomanBeaters agony auntI have herpes simplex 1 aka oral herpes, and so does 70% of the US population. 80% of those people that have it, don't know it.

I just get a battery of std tests every six months, as it is the good thing to do. Clean in every other way, but with oral herpes.

I never have had an outbreak and I have had it for years.

It is a few itchy bumps. It looks kinda gross if you get it, yea, but that is it. You don't die early, you don't get out breaks, and if you do they don't last long at all.

Transmission of it is HARD if you don't have an outbreak.

I thought I was in love with a girl who had genital herpes and I had sex with her. I wore a condom, but I managed, barely ;), to get balls deep, meaning skin was exposed, yet I didn't get it. This was four years ago and I have had 8 batteries of STD tests since.

Point being, do not think of yourself as some w^^re or it as a dreadful disease. It is a slight inconvenience and you tell people that you are about to kiss or have sex with, depending upon the strand, that you have it.

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