A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for just about 2 weeks with my boyfriend, but we had been hanging out for about a month before that. Before all of this we knew each other years ago and then he moved away, came back, but we never got back in touch til recently. I would consider us to have been friends, but not close friends. When we started spending time together again I immediately had feelings for him. He made me laugh, was physically everything I favored in a guy. I was ecstatic when I found out he had feelings for me, too. I couldn't and still can't stop smiling when I think of him. When I start to kiss him I can't stop. He does everything I've always wished every other boyfriend of mine did but never did. In short, I think he's pretty much perfect for me. There isn't a thing he does that isn't what I want.Except there is one problem.. all of my past relationships were terrible, including my last relationship that lasted for 3 years in which my boyfriend could be verbally and even physically abusive sometimes. I ended this relationship by the way, so I had considered myself to have moved past this relationship and I also believe I am a much stronger person now.So now that I have this great guy I don't know what to do! He always pays for me when we go somewhere for example. When my last boyfriend paid for me (about 10 times within a 3, almost 4 year relationship) he would manipulate me into feeling guilty somehow. So now I have a hard time not feeling guilty when my boyfriend pays for me. I know he isn't mad about it or doesn't resent me for it, so why am I having such a hard time being loved?Am I not ready to be in a relationship? How do I handle this? Last night on my way home from his house I smiled for the entire 20 minute drive. But sometimes when we are together I feel so apprehensive. What should I do? I did talk to him about it a little bit and he told me he loves me (already! kind of unbelievable, but I know he wouldn't lie about it. I can tell he is genuine) And when he says he loves me in the back of my mind I can't help thinking "but I'm sure there is something that will make you not love me as much..."How can I fully accept his love? I don't want to lose him. I've even thought about breaking up with him because it scared me a little how much he cares for me, which is absolutely ridiculous when this is what I've been waiting for for so long!!! Why am I thinking this way? Should I go to therapy? Or just talk to him more about it? I don't want to give him sob story after sob story when I really thought I had moved on from my last relationship and I don't want to be considered "damaged goods" Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Omegahero09 +, writes (2 October 2009):
 Good to hear ^^ keep us posted and good luck!
-Hero
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much to the both of you. I know the issues lie with me and not him, so I dont really think I need to test him. I think I just need to go with the flow and let him love me and treat me like a princess, because that's what he does! You really made me feel better and more normal haha.
I'll keep you posted, and if you have any more advice I'd really appreciate it. For now though, this is perfecT!
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (1 October 2009):
 Not all men are as*h*l*s. That said, I know you still want some sort of reassurance or guarantee about this one. So, if you want something concrete, test him. Not anything drastic, like telling his friends to tell him you died, just to see how he would react. But just set up a mild situation in which his reaction to it would tell you more about how he feels for you. Or find out about his past relationships, and find out from those women how they were treated. Talk to his family and friends to find out more about his character. Stuff like that.
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A
male
reader, Omegahero09 +, writes (1 October 2009):
^^ Mrs. Anonymous you're just fine. These feelings you are having are quite normal after going through something like that.
First off, kudos for recognising where these emotions stem from.
Second, I understand what it's like to have bad habits, and post-breakup issues. My girlfriend is so far beyond better than my last ex, and just right for me... and yet when we first started dating I couldn't help but feel like she was going to lose feelings for me, cheat on me, and just have the whole relationship come crashing down around me.
All I did was tell her, and be as honest with her as I could, and she took it in and said 'it's okay, I won't do those things to you.'
If this awesome guy you found has a good heart, then he will do the same for you.
On a more introverted level, it's always good to envision yourself doing better. If you always see yourself as this horrible wreck, than that's who you'll be. Thus, it's very difficult to come out of a slump and/or overcome personal issues within yourself.
So tell yourself you'll be fine! Don't let him down by living in the past, live in the present, and discover that you belong there.
Good luck! I'm rootin' for ya ^^
-Hero
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