A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have met a man who seems wonderful in every way. We have an incredible connection on so many levels yet I have a question. He has said to me that if I feel the desire to have sex with another man in his presence he is ok with that. Even turned on by it. The stipulation if course is that I never so this behind his backFor me I can't help but feel that he cannot possibly love me if this is acceptable to him . I simply can't seem to get past the feeling that he doesn't care enough about meI need advice and opinions ... Am I being silly? And imagining this? Is it compels try understanble that he could love me and be ok with another guy having sex with me in front of him?Am I being too sensitive? What is wrong with me and would you consider this a deal breaker ? Just knowing he feels this way?
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male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (19 February 2014):
 Love is exclusive, whatever will tell you pervs, as good advocates of their (rotten) cause.Real love is exclusive because in love, lies the CONSTANT care for the other half of oneself. You don't EVER want that somebody try to "f*ck" him or her because it will rip your soul in two. You can't bear the simple idea he or she could fall in love with another person (chemistry can really and seriously screw one's feelings and minds, as many of you perfectly know it). You can't bear the idea another (wo)man may fall in love with your partner, and develop and obsession about him/her. You can't bear the idea somebody may hurt or even end to kill you're sweet heart in an accident or because of a venereal disease, or because (s)he is a maniac deep inside mad of jealousy.No risk, no sharing, no jealousy... You don't want it between you and the other half of you. Threesome, swapping, are unhinged people activities that prove that love is not here. At least not the real love (about what is love, I advice anybody to read the "Symposium" of Plato: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Symposium_%28Plato%29)Just draw your conclusions, and make your mind about what you think is or will be your future with this man who want to free of charge prostitute you (or not free, after all ?) just to satisfy his carnality drive. Don't be a sex puppet between his hands. No dignity = NO LOVE !
A
female
reader, dr.2.be  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Sounds like he is a swinger. A relationship like that takes A LOT of trust, openess and honesty by both parties. When done the right way, a swinger relationship can last but ground rules must be put down before a couple engages in that sort of lifestyle. These rules must be enforced as well, which isnt hard when both people truly love each other.
That being said I do engage in the lifestyle with my current boyfriend. We have our ground rules set, and the people we share with are aware of our relationship, respect it and understand what we do. Most are other swingers. It is only a deal breaker if the man is unwilling to set ground rules or think he can hook u up with random strangers. Then i say he has no respect for you. If it is not something you are into let him know. If he cares, he wont push the issue.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (18 February 2014):
Sorry, don't get it. The last thing Id ever want to see is some other guy sticking it to my wife. Perhaps Im just to alpha-male for my own good, but cant conceive of why any guy would want to see that.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
 I get it. Truly. He may very well love you but he also may be one of those folks who is turned on by watching his partner with others. It does not mean he does not love you IMO.
for those that don't get this turn on it can seem that we don't love our partners but it's not true.
HOWEVER, if it does not work for you (and as such he may be thinking he can be with other women if you are with other men) then you have the right to say NO and to end the relationship since your ideas don't mesh.
WHILE I get it (and yes it's been a turn on for me when I was a swinger to watch my then husband with others) I am currently in a marriage where WE DO NOT SHARE-EVER.
I keep my ideas of him being pleasured by others to myself.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 My first thought is the same as Honeypie's. He's granting you what he wants for himself (not men but sexual variety).
This is a more common than you think fetish so it could also be a prelude to asking you to perform in front of him with another man. Or perhaps an introduction to swinging.
Whatever his specific agenda you can be certain it is entirely self serving.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Why would you feel the desire to have sex with another man in front of him? I think he has a cuckold fetish. This would be a huge turn off for me, no different than being encouraged to have a threesome. It's not something you want to do, so if he keeps mentioning it, he's being disrespectful. If he kept mentioning it (once, after you saying no, would be enough) yes it would be a deal breaker.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2014): This happened to a friend of mine. She had no natural desire to see other people. What became very clear later was that he was actually MARRIED already and was trying to blur all her own sexual boundaries so that he would feel less guilty about sleeping with her. The way she found out was that she was at a dinner party and was telling friends about this great guy she'd met and someone said, "but he has been married to X for X amount of years".He is trying to blur your own parameters to ease his guilt - either he is already sleeping with other people or wants to or...could be in a committed relationship or is married. OF COURSE he will make you feel absolutely adored and loved, this is all part of his manipulation, part of what makes you accept the downside in order to keep feeling loved. It sucks. Get out now.
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A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Greetings,A situation as tough as this I would think that such a 'permission' would indicate that either he feels he doesn't want to pressure you and give you your freedom or the fact he then isn't tied down himself.If you feel uncomfortable it is for a reason.
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A
female
reader, Alba5 +, writes (18 February 2014):
My best friend is in a similiar relationship with her partner, they seem to be fine with it and just put it down to being sexually open minded and keeping their sex life fresh and exciting. I on the other hand would start to think if I allowed him to do this what would be next? Inviting another woman into the equation? Swingers clubs? I'd like to point out if you are into these thats fine. I'd speak to your man and tell him if you aren't interested in it would it be a problem? If it is then he isn't for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2014): Some men do like the idea of watching their partner with someone else. How long have you known him? If it isn't long, it may be that after six months or so, when your relationship deepens, he may change his mind about how he feels about it....and want to just keep it for fantasy.I suggest you make it very clear to him, how you feel about it, so there is no misunderstanding about what you think is acceptable in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2014): You will never get past this. This man has no idea of how hurtful he sounds. He's telling you what he wants and its not what you want....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Yes, I would consider it a deal breaker for one simple reason, I feel a guy will give that kind of "permission" because he then feels free to do likewise (UNLESS he has severe ED and thinks he can't please you sexually). I saw it countless times during my husband's deployments. Soldiers "gave" their wives permission to "cheat", and in all the cases if was because the soldier himself were cheating already with a female soldier.
I would talk further about this with him to figure out why he feels that way.
But yes, I would NOT be OK with it either.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Hey, I am with you, I believe if the man loves me he will not share me with anyone. Sounds like he is looking to experiment or live his fetish at your expense. Lose the baggage because if you compromise on your principals and assume the relationship don't work, you will regret it.
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