A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am really attracted to someone - I know he likes me too. The problem is that one of the reasons that I like him is that he is absolutely amazingly intelligent, extremely knowledgeable on loads and loads of topics or, if he isn't, you feel with him that he is the kind of person that would very quickly become expert at anything he turned his mind to. I don't know why but all my life I've wanted to be with a highly intelligent man and this guy literally blows my mind. As well as being phenomenally bright, he is always super informed about what is taking place culturally, immensely well read to the extent that you sit there and think "what do you NOT know something about"? I completely love this in him, honestly I can't quite explain why or how that works but it does. He has loads and loads of friends and acquaintances and is extremely well respected by everyone.The problem is that I honestly feel like I can't keep up, not anywhere near his capabilities and I wonder if he is just too complete to be offered to and what I could offer that he doesn't already have. I'm very well educated but my knowledge, even on my specialist area, is very patchy compared to his. More than this, it's his very confident attitude towards life that I also can't match but find amazingly attractive in him - I've always been on the shy side, don't have many friends, have difficulty 'connecting up' to life ie. going to events and so on, although I am getting better at this but slowly.I'd love to be more like him, but as it is I'm worried that he will just get bored with me very quickly because I can't offer much to him and I don't want him to feel like he would always have to be the one 'leading' - although my ex partner who knew me for 18 years and is also immensely socially connected still says, even now, that out of everyone he knows and has ever met I am by far the most interesting because of the way that I think about life - he just thinks I have a completely unique approach - and my ability to empathise with people he says is very special. I just wonder if I should even try to get more involved with this person. Every time I see him I am blown away by his sincerity - he's not even remotely arrogant, very sensitive and gentle, but yet confident. I do feel instinctively that he is looking for a woman who won't feel intimidated by him and, most of the time, I can manage to 'give as good as I get', but I feel a bit insecure underneath. Is this just a matter of me gaining more confidence in myself? Any advice please?
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female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (23 February 2014):
 I felt like this kinda cause I didn't have appropriate moneys for someone I was interested in. My confidence on the inside was low and my home boy was like what you got to offer them. I was like good point not much. I was more use to and involved with if two people go be together then they work at obtaining there future together. But I can relate to how you feel you knocking yourself out the race before its even began. Don't be intimidated or doubting your character that you bring into any relationship weather its him or with someone else. I know my mom had a saying you are too book smart no common sense. When really I had common sense and was not really that book smart cause my transcripts show other wise. I pass classes but didnt attend school enough like I should have. I spent more time out than end. Had I been smart in books I would have got scholarships and better academics I feel. But with what little common sense I had I was able to make do and thrive with the hand that was dealt. I wouldn't worry just be sure to let your true intent be know and be genuine if you are interested in more than friendship and want that a perphaps more.
A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (19 February 2014):
 To OP: thanks for your thanks. And what about my understanding of women's soul: I have no merit at all, I learnt everything in... WHAT WOMEN WANT (cf: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Women_Want ).
Just kidding... Anyway, be happy in a clever love. It's not given to anybody.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): Thank you so much for these responses, especially to Gauntlet, which gave me so much more confidence already. I was actually thinking along the same lines - that maybe he has lots of 'followers' but very few people who will talk honestly or intimately with him about just him as a person and to care for him. I don't know why, but I do have this very strong urge to look after him, I never had such a feeling before and it is strange because he is probably the most masculine man I ever met - I don't mean muscle bound but just assured and directed. Why, then, do I want to make lovely food for him or show him the most beautiful things I have found in the world - whether an ancient poem or the night falling in this city. It seems so difficult, but now I realised it is about me having confidence in my own expressivity and femininity, without fearing judgement or rejection. I was judging these kind of impulses before they began. Gauntlet, really thank you so much for your input, I appreciate it, I think you understand a lot about femininity and what men want.
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet +, writes (18 February 2014):
What the others below tell you is true about the fact you need to be more confident. Maybe the point Ciar pointed out has to be seriously considered (does that man really IS so clever, or doesn't he possess the ability to LOOK good in a lot of matters he actually doesn't know much about).Yet if what you're telling is correct, here is what I have to tell you about.1) If this man is with you, that's because you're complementing him with your personality, your merits that you don't know well because they are natural parts of you, but that HE can see from the outside of you, and appreciates more than what you can imagine. Real clever people are often somehow misunderstood persons, and they need sincere persons around them, and not just fans.2) Never EVER try to be like him. If he is really as clever as you tell us, his brains structure may be in such a pattern that you won't ever be able to reach his level. YET you can do a lot for him: be tender, and BE SINCERE. Never pretend anything because as he is very clever he will understand it soon or later, and will feel insulted. Be yourself, be frank and when possible, bring him some new intellectual materials (news, cultural topics etc.). You can't answer as he can, but you can like him find good questions.3) Never underestimate his need for a real love. He may have a lot of friends, but who will be a loving totally upfront people for him ? You, and once the place will be yours (already ?) you will be like a lighthouse in the storm for him.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Yes, this is simply a case of becoming more confident.
You are no dummy. Apart from your incorrect use of the word 'literally' your post is shows you're intelligent, educated and articulate.
And it's not that you're incapable of knowing all the facts he seems to know it's that you haven't been interested enough in some of that information to pursue it. And if you did know more about these things then you might discover how much he actually doesn't know. Have you ever verified any of the things he says?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 February 2014):
 Yep I think you need to become more self-confident.
IF he seeks you out and wants to be with you LET HIM be the one to decide if you are good enough for him... clearly he seeks you out so you provide something he likes.
stop putting yourself down....
BTW if you don't get him off this incredible pedestal you have him on, when he does topple off you will see him in a very different light and you may find you no longer wish to be with him.
However if you realize he's just a person, he eats, poops and dresses like everyone else, you may find you can relax and enjoy his vast and varied knowledge.
I'm like him in some ways... I am full of useless trivia on many things.. folks think I'm brilliant. I fake it well I guess
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 February 2014):
 His passion lies in keeping himself knowledgeable and that does not make you any less attractive. He obviously see certain qualities in you that he loves and wants to be with you. But your self doubt and lack of confidence is s sure way to kill a relationship. Just continue to be yourself and enjoy each others company. Just work on making the relationship a success. Just continue to be your fun loving self and you don't have to change or prove anything.
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