A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i need some advise. i am 28 yrs old and all ive ever done is let men run all over me in my relationships. how do i become that strong woman and put my foot down. im tired of crap Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): I think you have a great starting point right here! You say that you LET men run all over you and treat you badly. It is a choice. And so you can change that. You have the power to make some changes.
I think you do have that strength inside you, it is just a case of bringing it out. It can be difficult, especially at first. I think it might be helpful to learn some assertiveness skills and techniques. There are books out there which can help, and some of them are specifically aimed at women. Also, you could search around and see if there are any groups or courses in your area which teach about assertiveness. Because that is what I think it is about. Learning to stand up for yourself. Not to let people walk all over you, but not being aggressive either.
Remember that your needs are just as important as anybody else's. You deserve respect too. I think it is little things which can help you get going, but they are also difficult! I mean, saying "no" to things you disagree with, or don't want to do. It sounds so easy, but it can be really hard! Maybe it might help if you write down some situations you want to be stronger about. If if there are certain people you want to be stronger around, in what way exactly do you want to become stronger? Are there any specific situations? If so, how can you take a firmer approach? How can you respect them while also respecting your own wants?
You ARE stronger than you think, but it comes out slowly. You have reached a point where you want to make some changes, and that is great. It all comes down to respecting yourself. Don't expect anything less from the people in your life.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Make your standards before you start dating, decide what type of guy you want and how you expect to be treated. Then you'll pick the right type of man, and will also react to the first sign of disrespect. Do not judge your next man by the failures of the past, but do judge him by the standards you have set for yourself.
Forgive once if you think you should. For the second mistake walk away and do not look back.
People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Don't let love allow anyone to turn you into a doormat.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (31 August 2010):
 stand up for yourself. its weird, but if you tell yourself "I am a stronger woman today, I won't let anyone walk all over me" everyday you will begin to believe it, its psychology. I think you should start with that.
next step is to start saying no when you don't want to do something. You will find a lot out about your relationships and friendships once you start saying no, its interesting how people response to 'no'.
lets say you have to work early in the morning but your boyfriend wants to go to a midnight showing of some movie and usually you'll agree to go to make him happy but this time you really don't want to. So say no, I have to wake up early, next time maybe
if he's disappointed that is a healthy, normal response. It means he likes you around and enjoys your company.
if he's upset, guilt trips you, black mails you, screams at you, etc then that is not healthy.
you will find that once you start standing up for yourself you will find out who your true friends are and which boys are worth your while.
Also, beware of people turning the tables on you when you finally stand up to them.
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