A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I've decided I am going to try to get counselling because I feel very horribly about myself because my mother is very harsh on me and treats me like everything that goes wrong is my fault.She snaps at me all of the time when nothing has happened. This has gone on for a couple of years and she thinks that because she feeds me and gives me the basics, she doesn't have to spend time with me or show me any affection. She shouts at me for things that my dad and sister say didn't deserve yelling and she tells me I'm not trying hard enough to be useful when I do everything to the best of my abilities and I haven't ever been in trouble at school.I haven't told them that I'm going to my doctor to ask for counselling, but I'm struggling with the fact that I can get counselling all I want but my mum's attitude toward me won't change. She has always had a temper and my dad says it's just who she is but I can't handle it any more.How am I supposed to feel less useless if it's being shoved in my face daily? My mum will just see counselling as me admitting I'm the only one with a problem. She once said she'd get anger management and nearly always says sorry when my dad tells her she should but it never stops and sorry doesn't mean anything when you hear it for the same reason every day. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MSA  +, writes (11 April 2014):
 I would suggest writing a letter to her to tell her how you feel. I find that when writing an email, letter, or even texting, we are able to calmly write out our thoughts and express our feelings. You can let her know how you've tried and how she is making you feel, invite her to write back to you with her thoughts and her reasons. Maybe this can be the beginning of a way of communicating between the both of you so that you can understand each other better.
Talking to your dad about your feelings will help too.. he may be able to give you some insight as to why your mom is like that, or he may be able to talk to her about it.
I know it's not easy... we've all been there. Best of luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2014): OP while counselling is a good idea you should go for as they'll probably help you find ways to deal with your mother, your first stop should be your dad.
You need to ask him to take you for coffee or if you're the only two in the house to sit him down and talk to him.
This is not for him to fix things of course I think he's probably tried but you seem to be the only one who lets her behaviour bother you.
You need to open up and tell him how bad it is, that she's making you feel so bad about yourself that you can't cope alone anymore and need outside help.
Let him know that you'd like his help finding someone to help you and if he can't or won't then you'll do it yourself.
OP be careful here and make sure you go through your father. If you go to the wrong person for outside help they may make it messy as what's happening is technically emotional abuse.
As a teacher I've had to call in parents to discuss students home life, I've had a few of those and while most parents are reasonable some take great offence and blame the kid for ratting on them or blowing it out of proportion.
You need your dad on your side for this, and he needs to know what's coming so he can deal with anything a doctor or counsellor suggest. They'll probably need his input too.
OP don't delay with talking to your dad, the longer you let this continue the more damage will be inflicted and we all have limits, OP. You'll either break or snap eventually and you need to make sure that doesn't happen.
OP it could just be a case of teaching you how to ignore her the way the rest of your family seems to do, or it may be just a case of teaching you how to stand up to her.
Just remember one thing, OP, she really doesn't mean to have this effect on you. She's really not trying to hurt you intentionally because there is no chance in hell your father would tolerate anyone trying to hurt you or your sister intentionally, so this is fixable. Maybe you can't get her to change, but you can definitely change how you cope with her. Your father and sister deal with it by just ignoring her, or maybe they've already stood up to her. With any kind of bullying, OP standing up for yourself works a charm, so be prepared to have it out with her if she won't stop.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (11 April 2014):
 If your mother is making you feel intimidated, depressed or un-happy about yourself on a daily basis, then that does come under emotional neglect. You should know that it doesn't matter who a person is, whether its your mother or a complete stranger, YOU as a person deserve respect and by the sound of what you have written, your mother isn't giving you respect. Its very hard in situations like these, simply because everyone has a different opinion. Some people believe its okay for parents to be as harsh as they want to there children, while as others think that its very wrong when a parent makes their own child feel inferior. I believe that it is wrong your mother is making you feel this way, and I 100% believe that counselling will do you good. Counsellors, aren't just there for you, you know, as you are still classed as a child they can intervene in family situations and help to work with you and your family in order to find a solution of some kind. Also, if you can you should speak to your dad about how your mother is making you feel, tell him about how down it gets you and how you feel you cannot handle it, this should make him understand how this whole situation is effecting you and you never know he might be able to talk some sense into your mother. Good Luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2014): Is it possible your mother acts like this due to the menopause or peri-menopause? It can really mess with a woman's moods even worse than bad pmt.
It's no excuse for the way she treats you, but maybe she should get checked out. How old is she?
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