A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay. So I'm sixteen and my girlfriend is fifteen and i think i'm about to break it off. I think its just kind of over for me. It's taken a while to stop being in denial about it because i remember how in love with her i used to be. I'm sort of confused, and I know this break up will hurt me a lot for two reasons. I care very much of this girl and love her as a person, and it is going to kill me to see her heart be broken because of me. The other reason is that i still think i might have feelings for her but i just don't want a relationship anymore. The problem is, we have the same group of friends. She started to hang out with my group of friends and thats when i met her. We fell in love and had a blast the first few months. So the problem is, how can this break up work if we both have the same friends? We also play in the same band together. She sings and i drum. I don't know how this is going to work out and it's killing me that the love i used to have for her is gone. God damn you dopamine... Also, is it normal to sill have feelings for your ex after you break up? Because i feel like thats how its going to be for me. But i know this is for the best..P.S. We have been dating for a little over 7 months. Please, if you are going to be ignorant and say that we are only high schoolers and that breaking up isn't hard this young, then please don't respond.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (22 October 2010):
 Breaking up is never easy, but you would likely have gotten a few more helpful souls if you didn't tell us what not to tell you. Anyway, on to your question...
Can a break up work if you have the same friends? This depends. It will likely be difficult at first. It really depends on how it's handled and the maturity levels of you, your girlfriend and your friend group. The more mature everyone is, the more they'll realize that relationships end sometimes and that everyone's friendships shouldn't be affected by such a thing. The less mature everyone is, the more likely people are to pick sides and start in fighting. Your best result is if you can break it off in a way where your GF will understand and, while she may be hurt, she isn't angry too. This can be difficult. Your continued feelings for her can play out to your advantage though. Let her know you still care for her deeply, but that the relationship isn't working. Chances are, if you're feeling this, she may be as well.
Is it natural to still have feelings for an ex? Yup. Part of you will probably always love her. I know I still have feelings for most of my exes. Just because I have some remaining feelings though doesn't mean that we belong together.
One big thing you need to do is decide that this is for sure what you want to do. You can't flip flop. If you break up, it is natural to regret it. That's when most people try to get back with their ex. This rarely works though. They may get back together, but the same thing that broke them up before usually does again. My point is that you need to know you want to break up for good when you do it. Otherwise you should try to work out your problems instead.
Good luck, your best bet for this not affecting your friend group is if you can both say that you don't want it to after the breakup. Chances are it will anyway some, but the fallout won't be as severe if your friends see you both on the same page regarding that.
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