A
female
age
41-50,
*andbox
writes:Hi,I recently met a guy through work... He is actually working with me for the summer and we immediatly got on like a house on fire, which is great as he is from abroad and we will be basically with each other 24/7 until September... We have so much in common and just find that we have so much fun together, it feels like I have known him for years. I realised a few days ago that I have pretty strong feelings for him and I know he feels the same way as it's been kinda talked about... but he's married! I met his wife for the first time yesterday and she is a really nice person. Nothing has happened and won't happen as thats just something I couldn't do... I feel like such a bad person for even entertaining the thought but I cant help it. I really don't know how I am going to last for the next 2 and a half months!! I feel ill just thinking about the situation.... Please can someone help???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): On the contrary, I don't think you should feel guilty and so on. Belief systems aren't always what they're cracked up to be! I mean, it's only human to feel a bit guilty but you shouldn't totally repress your feelings either.
I don't know what kind of relationship you would have: maybe it would just be short and sweet or maybe it could turn into something more long-term. You mgiht also end up totally messing up your worklife until septembr etc. And feeling guilty when you think of his nice wife. But whatever you decide to do remember that love doesn't always behave according to the standards of our society. IT would be great if we could all just marry someone and never feel desire for anyone else butit doesn't work that way. Some people chooseto be loyal and faithful and feel good about tat, other people just try out new relationships and expreiences and maybe they separate from their partner or maybe they stay quiet and never tell them, whcih I'm not so happy about myself. Whatever you do, don't feel too bad and remember you are a wonderful woman who deserves respect and happiness.
A
male
reader, iateadonut  +, writes (29 June 2008):
I'm married and sometimes having girl friends (notice the space) sucks. Here's my rules:
1) No drinking.
2) I'm not allowed at anyone's house and they're not allowed at mine.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Well, good for you for recognizing that ill feeling and paying attention to it. It's your better judgement that is telling you that this goes against your belief-system. From time-to-time, you are going to be attracted to a man that isn't available. Even when YOU are married, you will meet other people who you are instantly connected to somehow.
There isn't just one "soulmate" that is possible for you in this world. If there was only one, then yes, you would be foolish not to act on it. But, if there WAS only one, then what's to say that your soulmate is on the exact opposite side of the world from you, and that there isn't even the remotest possibility of your ever meeting? SO, there simply has to be more than one possibility for a potential mate.
This is all about choice and free will. If you just take a step back, and look at this as what it is, attraction, extreme attraction, then you also have the ability to step back and reconsider the fact that HE is a married guy - therefore - he's not exactly being a stand-up guy right now. Not only is he flirting with you and potentially trying to cheat, he's doing this behind his wife's back. Is this the kind of partner that you deserve? This is his choice! And if he is making this choice after making vows, that's the strength of his promises.
There are guys out there who do know where to draw the line when they are married and find someone other than their wife attractive. THAT'S the kind of man that you should save your heart for. Start looking, he's out there, and he's not this guy, Hunny!
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