A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, I'm an 18 year old girl and I've recently come to terms with the fact that i'm gay, or at least bi-sexual. But i can now acknowledge that I am attracted to females. I've realised that I'm in love with my female best friend, who is straight and has a boyfriend.(However she is VERY flirty with me when drunk, but this may just be wishful thinking on my part) I don't feel that I should tell her about my feelings towards her as I don't want to ruin our friendship. However after lots of thought I have decided I would like to tell her that I am/might be gay. But I have no idea how to go about it.I havn't came out to anyone and she is the only person that I feel I can trust with this big secret. I fully intended to do it last night, we had a few drinks and I pretended to be more drunk than I really was in order to bring up the topic of homosexuality. She has always been quite positive towards gay people, having a few male gay friends herself. Last night she said that she doesn't mind gay people but that being gay 'isn't the way it's meant to be'. However I couldn't quite bring myself to say it. At one point she even said 'your not gay are you'. However I denied it, I felt sick and really felt that I had let myself down, and missed the perfect opportunity.I don't believe that she would show any negativity towards me because of my sexuality but i do believe that it might alter our friendship, which I am really scared of. We hug, hold hands and lie in bed together( watching tv )all the time, I don't want her to feel as if my actions are related to the fact that i'm gay/fancy her. I do fancy her but I'm just a generally touchy feely person.So how do I tell her. Where do I do it, at hers, at mine, out and about like at the park, or at the pub. And how do I bring up the topic, I can't just blurt it out can I?I know this problem is such a cliche but I really would appreciate any help anyone has to offer.Thankyou so much. xxxxx
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best friend, drunk, flirt, has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): you should call her ask her if she is ok with it or ask her to meet you and talk about it.i do think you should have told her face to face but its too late now so call her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): Just arrange a meeting for going out to a night club or whatever you usually do, like normal. I am sure that she doesn't need to have a specific chat to take in that you are gay.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRight so , I decided to tell her that I'm gay, but I did it by text, I was too terrified to tell her in person. She seems to have taken the news quite well. I said we should meet up to talk about it however she seems to be reluctant to do so. Shall I give her some time or contact her to suggest a time to meet up?
I didn't tell her that I have feeling towards her as I think this would be too much for her to take in. Anyway she has a boyfriend, so even if she was interested, shes off limits.
But what should I do now? This is the most terrifying time of my life!!!
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A
male
reader, aaronsaledge  +, writes (26 August 2009):
i have a similar situation with some of my male friends and have decided not to tell them and that these feellings might just be a stage that will pass,but i think u should tell her.its better to get rejected than never knowing if she feels the same about you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): well im in a simular sitiuation only im a virgin and i thought i was bisexual,but recently i came out to my gay male freind and he said that when he came out it felt like something had been lifted of his shoulders but i didnt feel like that when i told him i was bi and he said that proberly cos im avirgin i just dont now what im into yet so if your a virgin and thats how you feel dont tell yet wait and see how it goes.me and my best mate are allways holding hands in the street and we hug in the street we even get naked infront of eachother when drunk and pee infront of eachother but me and her are just very open peopel and get on very well but i now its just freindly love what we have,maybe thats what you have "freindly love".have you ever had a realtionship,and loved someone else apart from your familY?if not maybe thinking you love your freind is just you getting used to what love means and how love feels?maybe hang about with other mates or maybe even try and bag yourself a hot lad..you could always end the realtionship afterwards if you still feel this love for her?see how it goes,dont leap before the lilly!good luck have a good think x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): Say it face to face , anytime anywhere.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 My best friend told me he was bisexual and admitted he loved me and he said that he knows I might not have the same feeling and it was okay, he just wanted to get his feelings out.
He said it face to face and I liked his honesty, from that point on I felt closer to him. He trusted me enough to let me know of his feelings so I was able to trust him with my feelings.
If it's something you have to tell your best friend about, I would recommend to do it face to face (no txt, email etc...). Things might change between the two of you for the worse, or it can do like in my situation and bring you closer.
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A
male
reader, celestial +, writes (25 August 2009):
Hum, first you need to decide if you want to come out to her as being a lesbian, or come out as being a lesbian in love with her. You told us that she has a boyfriend, so her heart is not available.
3 choices:
1- Tell her you are a lesbian. See her reaction/acceptance. Wait a few years, till she feels the same way. But still remain friends through it all.
2- Tell her you love her as more than a friend. She might get shocked and it will be awkward for a while.
3- Get her drunk don't try to talk some sense into her and just sweetly start kissing her. Bypassing the head and going directly into her heart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): Next time you see her say it straight away before you say anything else, if you are as good friends as you sound she will be fine with it after all its nothing to be ashamed of is it.
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