A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am staying a season at a bed and breakfast in a very small rural community. The innkeepers' 20 year-old son works for his parents doing odd jobs around the place (maintenance, shuttle driving, etc.), so I have to deal with him pretty often. Every time he comes around, he always tries to flirt with me and wants me to go out with him. I'm not attracted to him because he's half my age and not my type at all. I've tried everything to politely discourage him but he just won't stop coming on to me and it's making me very uncomfortable.So far, I have told him "no" politely in the following ways:* I told him I am in the process of getting a divorce and can't legally date anyone until the divorce is finalized - this would be considered adultery.* Told him I am still healing from the loss of my 15 year marriage (which is true). Said it will be a VERY long time before I'm ready to date anyone again.* I stressed our age difference and told him repeatedly I am not attracted to younger men. I have always dated men who are 10-15 yrs. older than me.* Told him that I don't feel good about dating an employee of the hotel (especially since his parents are the owners!) - too many opportunities there for him to seek revenge against me if the dating relationship should sour or if I reject his advances.Guys, if a woman gave you these reasons for not wanting to date you, would you back off? Normally if a guy I'm not interested in hits on me, I'm kinda bitchy to them just so they "get the message" (sadly, some guys don't get it unless you hit `em over the head with "NO!!"). But in this case, I have to be careful not to offend this kid too deeply because he is in a position to cause me all kinds of trouble with the innkeepers - his parents - who I need to maintain a good relationship with.I have tried to talk it over with the kid several times, very politely explaining the reasons I'm not available to date. Every time, this will make him go away for a week or two, then I start getting text messages from the kid at late hours asking if he can come over and "hang out" with me. Oh jeez...!Last weekend, he sent me this text, that really alarmed me:"Hey, I know you're not officially divorced yet and that you're not ready for a relationship, but would u be interested in something a little more PHYSICAL til then?"That crossed the line in my book. Now I'm very upset and don't know what to do.He has also started driving by my house late at night; sometimes he just watches from outside (I guess he's trying to find out if I'm alone or dating someone else), other times he will come knock on my door at late hours unannounced and uninvited, asking if I want to "hang out." I always tell him I'm busy but he just won't leave. What can I do? As a guest of the B and B, I just want to be left alone to enjoy my stay. I didn't come here to be sexually harassed, hit on and stalked by the employees. If I reject this kid flatly or yell 'what part of NO do you not understand?", he could run to his parents and get me kicked out of the hotel for any number of invented reasons to get his revenge.If I tell his parents, they will naturally not want to believe that their "little angel" son would sexually proposition a guest. They will take his side and try to throw me out of the hotel, reduce services, increase rates, etc...If I call the police, it will be a matter of public record. This is a small town and people gossip. As a single woman living alone, I don't need that hassle right now. If I press charges, this young man will have a criminal record - and I don't want him to pay the rest of his life for a youthful indiscretion.If I file a lawsuit against the hotel for sexual harassment, the shit will really hit the fan. I'm already dealing with one costly legal battle in my divorce case and don't need another one right now.Can anyone offer some solid advice on how to handle this situation while keeping the business relationship intact? It's a small B and B and the kid is their only employee, so it's not like I can request they send someone else every time the broken toilet needs fixing or I need to take a shuttle ride to the store. I have no choice but to face this kid often - letting him down easy isn't working. WHAT CAN I DO?
View related questions:
divorce, flirt, revenge, stalking, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): You are being stalked. Really, that is what this is. Make your rejection very clear, make it final, tell him never to talk to you again, and tell his parents that as well.
You are a guest, and deserve to be treated like a guest.
I suspect he's done this before, and is creepier than you realize, so get a can of pepper spray and learn how to use it.
A
female
reader, RosaBanks  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 looks like this guy just sees this fit older woman, and loves sex, so wants to pull her. He sounds like a creep, but i can understand what you're saying about not wanting to report him. I think you should talk to HIM and just tell him straight. try to forget about hurting his feelings, and tell him that you're really not ready for ANY kind of relationship yet, and that includes sex. if that doent work, lie and say that you have AIDS so you probably don't want to sleep with me! good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (24 October 2010):
Your no's or so subtle that it like a maybe. You need to say no with meaning. Hell do you really need to stay there so bad that you have to go through that. Just tell him upfront NO and you can have him arrested. They evict you press charges.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Other than get your money refunded for the nights you won't be staying and picking up to another bed and breakfast or hotel, even though it may be miles away in another city..Which may not be ideal for you, so it looks like you're going to have to take this issue up with the owners. You've tried leveling with him, and he doesn't seem to take no for an answer. Then, he's crossed the line into sexual harassment..that is the last straw. Obviously, any legal adult will cause complications real fast, so you want to handle this as nicely as possible..Approach the owners, and let them know you have an issue with their 20 year old adult son, that you have politely told him you're not interested in him and are going through issues of your own, you are just trying to have a peaceful stay here, you are being harassed by him and would like them to tell him to stop. They don't believe you, like Cerberus said show them the proof you have..it's possible this may not be the first time this has happened due to the rural area, and him being on call 24-7 for the family business..not a lot of opportunities for this young man to meet women.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 I suppose you could always try to sit down and just talk to him about it. Show him that you clearly are not comfortable with the way he is behaving around you. Ask him why he wishes to 'hang out' with you so badly and then try one last time to reason with him. If you think that may work. I cannot see any other alternative that would not ruin your good relationship with his parents.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): OP: Yes, I am thinking this is the best thing to do too - still would like to get a few more opinions on this. Any alternatives I should consider?
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (23 October 2010):
You have to go to his parents and show them the text messages he sent you. Proof that you have tried to be as nice as you could have been but he just will not back down. You cannot let this kid behave like this, not just for you but for any other women in the future. You have to risk it because anything is better than being hassled incessantly by this young man.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
