A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel really worried about a group holiday that my boyfriend has set up with his friends and their partners. In August, 10 of us are going on a joint birthday holiday for 3 of us the people. It's my boyfriend's birthday, and then one of the couples share a birthday within 3 days. They will all turn 21 so wanted to make a big deal of it. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 8 months, and from what I understand this holiday was always planned, just not booked until last week. I'd planned to have a week off for his birthday anyway as he had asked me to make sure I was free and then last week he rang me while I was at work and informed me that he had booked it that afternoon with his friends on one of their credit cards, and that I can pay it back whenever I wanted as long as it was before we went. He told me this all over a voicemail and I didn't even know how much I was expected to pay for a holiday I had no idea I was going on! Once we had talked and I realised that I will enjoy spending a week with him in the sun, I began to look forward to it.But once I actually thought about it, I don't really know the other couples apart from a few meetings, and I really don't know any of the girls coming on the holiday, most I don't even have their numbers or on social media.I'm slightly older at 25, and the oldest in the group. I know the age differences are much but I feel like it may be held against me. I've done the all night drinking holidays, and it's really not my thing. Normally my boyfriend doesn't do things like that but I know when he is with friends he does, which is fine. I'm just worried if I'm not up for the all night drinking, skinny dipping whatever that my boyfriend might be embarrassed by me or I'll be left on my own. I've always been worried about meeting new people and I think this may be why my boyfriend just booked it without asking because he knew I'd just say no.Is there anyway I could get over this so I won't be so scared and maybe be able to enjoy this for my boyfriend's birthday?
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female
reader, EFM94 +, writes (2 May 2016):
 I think you should try and relax a little. Just be yourself! Don't pretend to be someone you're not just to please them. It's your holiday as well.
Also do you have to all be together the entire holiday? Can't you and your partner have a night together just alone to go out for a meal or whatever?
You might go on this holiday and have been worrying about nothing. You will probably get on with them all fine! Just make sure there is a balance on the holiday. You all need to do things you want to do. Don't just go along with what everyone else wants to do because that isn't fair. Just go into the situation with positivity and you will feel a lot better.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 I am taking Janniepeg's view- how to cope during the vacation is the least of your worries. Worst case scenario, bring a pile of books, or book sightseeing tours for yourself, and take advantage of your alone time for resting well or having facials and beauty treatments . At the end of the day, it's just 7 days, they'll pass soon anyway.
You must either be a very easy going type, or else a bit under your bf's thumb. What, he books a vacation in company ( of people you don't know ) without consulting you, and promises away YOUR money without telling you first ?! Oh so you can pay back any time before leaving.. How kind of him. And what if you did not want / could not afford to pay any money for a vacation, or at least for this kind of vacation ? What if you had preferred to celebrate his birthday with a romantic getaway for just the two of you ?...
That first he decided for the both of you, and then used his gift of gab / emotional influence to bring you around and convince you that this is a good thing and that you want to go,- does not cancel the fact that he cornered you into doing something without knowing first how you felt about it. And, at least he had payed for you ! But no, he is making you risk your money on something that you are FAR from sure it may suit your tastes !
Let me tell you, THAT would make me perplexed, not how to ingratiate yourself to a bunch of party boys and girls.
IT may be a very interesting experiment though. It may tell you a lot about the health of your relationship, and the actual compatibility with your bf.
I mean, he knows that you are older than him, that you have been there - done that and that now your tastes incline toward less rambumctious nights. Plus, he must know that you don't bring along your girlfriend in vacation just to ditch her alone at the hotel while you go to get hog drunk.
So, hopefully he will not. He will be able to balance couple time and all together time, he will let them go on their own when they want to pull a wild one nighter, and he still will be able to give you attention and affection when instead you join them in making the rounds of the local hot spots.
If he does not- time for reflection.
You are not his mommy and you don't have the only scope and duty to make sure that he has the best time ever at his birthday party, as if he was a 5 y.o. You are a couple, and while it's normal and cool that you socialize with his friends, which hopefully will become your friends too, a couple is made by two people and your wishes tastes and preferences count, at least for 50% ; therefore have to be reckoned with and taken into account.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 I would worry less about how his friends think about you, but about how much he values the relationship. He should not get so wasted that you and him could not spend quality time and do sightseeing.
If you end up alone, you can go to a spa session, shopping and enjoy quiet nature. I hope that's not every night though, as that would be the end of the relationship for me. There should be a sense of "us" in a vacation.
You may be over the all night drinking thing, for some people, it doesn't end. That could be a compatibility issue.
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