A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am very confused. I have been in a long distance relationship with a guy for just over a year. He mentioned to me several months ago that he wanted us to see each other mid-week as well as at the weekends now that I am able to drive and haven't got to be so reliant on public transport. However, this hasn't happened and I am not sure why. I have mentioned to him several times that I agree with what he said and I think we should see each other more. However, although we are still together and talk about things, I get met with a wall of silence on this issue. Several weekends have elapsed where we haven't seen each other (one because he was ill and last weekend because I had no transport), but this weekend I asked him if he was playing sport and I got met with this wall of silence again. So, it would look as if I am not seeing him again this weekend. I would almost swear he doesn't want to see me anymore. I would like to know when I am going to hear/see from him again as his theory of not planning things too rigidly is not one I can live with, but am I being controlling or unreasonable in wanting the stability of knowing that I am definitely going to be seeing him once or twice a week (which incidentally was what he wanted)? I tried calling him earlier but got met with his answermachine so I messaged him saying do you know it has been 3 weeks since we last saw each other. This wall of silence is really hurting me and seems very uncaring to me. I am considering ending the relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): I think this man is scared to be upfront with you, he may want to end it but does not know how to tell you it's over, so he tries your patience in hope that you will end the relationship for him, if I were you I would stop wasting my time, and move on, I know it's hard, but it is better to forget about this guy. Good luck to you, and take it from someone who has been there, I was involved in a 6 year relationship with a guy who did the same to me, I finally moved on , but it was a bit too late, from all the stress, and tension, I suffered a heart attack, and had to have heart surgery, im only 25 years old, please get out of that relationship, and move on, there are so many nice guys out there looking for a nice girl.
A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (17 August 2008):
 Oh darling, its really tricky this one. When I met my partner now he only got one day off a week and worked 14 hour days. That made it very difficult to get to see him. Then on his day off he had so many people to see and things to fit in, that was difficult too. It took me a long time to realise this was not gonna be your normal relationship. I realised I had to have a life too and not depend on him for filling my time or my enjoyment. We grew to love each other and get on very well - unless we have long periods together in his country and I'm away from all the things and people I need to have my life, then its not so good. Is his problem in seeing you related to his work? Does he have little time so doesn't want to be tied down? Try reading 'The Rules'. Its a very helpful book around relationships. If the silence is upsetting you I certainly wouldn't call him any more, thats not good for your self-esteeem. Start thinking about you first, what would make you happy - do it for yourslef - try giving you what you think you need from him. You may find you don't even need him any more. Lots of luck. xx
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