A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey! i would appreciate your help very much.i am a girl, 21 years old. i'm with my boyfriend since one year. i love him very much and i find him VERY sexy. since i'm 12 years old i often masturbate and i always have great orgasms. most times when i masturbate i think of my boyfriend because that really turns me on. sometimes i just think nothing and relax. i always come, often very fast. i love sex and i think of sex very often. i often daydream about what i would like to do with my boyfriend and i write him very naughty emails. sometimes i watch porn. before i met my boyfriend i never had petting or sex with someone.here's my problem: when my boyfriend touches me, i don't come and i'm not really turned on like when i do it to myself. i get very wet, but i don't have these great feelings in my clitoris. i love it when he touches me because i love HIM, i think he's sexiest guy alive and i love him very much. but the touching is not as good as my touching!! =( although it should be better because when i'm touching myself i always wish HE would touch me! because i think his fingers are sexier than my own =) but when i touch myself, it is much better! =( maybe it is because i always touch myself through fabric, like my underwear or shorts. i'm a bit sensitive when i touch my bare skin. my boyfriend always touches my skin. maybe we should try it trough fabric but i think it is sad because i want to feel his fingers on my skin! =( you know?also when he touches me, it's very hard to find the corect "angle". i always have to guide his hand and he is like "you always show me something different". i can't just lay there like when i do it to me. i always never seem to find the right angle or spot. when i touch myself, no problem. when i do it to me, i always do it the same way, since all these years. for example i always do it with my left hand, he does it with his right hand.maybe these are the causes why i can't come / i feel not so turned on? (by the way, i sometimes come during sex when my clitoris is rubbed the right way by our bodies, but not always, even if we do the same thing).when i touch myself, i get turned on really easily and i always come!! it's really frustrating. i think my boyfriend is sad too because he tries to please me but it doesn't work. that makes me really sad. do you think it is possible that it is easier for me to "concentrate" when i do it to myself and i am maybe nervous or something when he does it to me? do you think it's in my head?i wish i'd come when he touches me, i dream about that! i always come without a problem when i am alone =( i can even come many times in a row when i am alone.maybe i should try the fabric thing with him. but i would love to feel his fingers on my skin.please give me your thoughts. thanks a lot.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 i can remember when i was young and uninformed as to how to please a girl. my girlfriend said, "i guess i'll just have to show you." and she did. from then on it was nice to make her come to climax. I'd say, you need to let him watch you please yourself then let him try the next time to duplicate your 'moves".
A
female
reader, StrayTogether.com  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Since you've 'practiced' pleasing yourself for so many years, it makes sense that you know what to do better than anyone else. Remember that he's had less than one year to get to know your body, and you've had 9 years experience masterbating! It also makes plenty of sense that your concentration is clearer when you're masterbating and no one is around.
You haven't said anything about your and your boyfriend's communication. Assuming that you have good communication, it should be as easy as telling him what you like and don't for him to make some adjustments and bring you to orgasm (with practice). Simply tell him what you like and how you like to be touched.
If, however, you find it difficult to express yourself when it comes to sexual likes and dislikes (many women, especially young ones, do), you might guide his hands and help him to touch you in the right ways. You might also try guiding him during the process with words, like "softer," "harder," etc. That might be easier than an all-out conversation.
If he's trying to bring you to orgasm, then it sounds like he's trying to please you, and that's good. A partner that wants to please you will WANT to know how to bring you to orgasm. Trust that the majority of men are thankful for the guidance and eager to please. And once he gets the hang of it, both of you will enjoy new levels of sexual satisfaction.
Fondly yours,
Jill
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