A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi - it is official i hate texting !!!This guy and i went out a couple of times and we slept together. Always initiated by him. I texted him asking to go out for drinks and he replied something VERY confusing: "i have to go out with some collegues .. i would like to meet up if it does not escalate too much"At the beginning i thought he meant that we can meet if he does not finish too late but now i wonder if he didn't mean that he does not want to sleep with me or he does not want me to think we are going to have a relationship. I am so confused !! And a bit annoyed ..He could just say i am busy but this .. i do not know what to think !! I am in love with my ex-bf so i never hinted i want him as a bf ...What do you think ???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): You was using him to fill a gap (amongst other things). He ended up using you. Call it a draw and leave it as it is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): Why have you pleasured a man who wont give you the time of day? He will talk about his exploits and look down his nose at you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): Beware of users. Remember some guys just want sex. Make them wait and you will find out if he`s genuine or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): he might be out on the pull and if nothing escalates he will come back to yours. keep his side of the bed warm for chances.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2011): invite your ex along too. he may like it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): How much do you know about this bloke? Full name? Married or single? You have built something what isnt real,or at least to him its not. I would forget him as easy as he forgot you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): why are you annoyed if you dont want a relationship? he must be really cheesed off with you niggling him for another roll in the hay. has it not occured to you that not every man has sex on tap?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): I myself would behave far less like desperate. You may not be getting enough sex or want a relationship? We dont know. Take my advice. Never let a man see desperation, he will run so fast that you will never catch him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): Sounds like he is either married or in a serious relatonship. Sounds like a player to me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): dont obsess over a man,especially a man you claim to not be too bothered about. you are right about one thing,and that is that you are confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2011): you are in love with the ex boyfriend,so why is this guy not wanting to have nothing to do with you (unless its sex) such a deal to you? you are afraid to ask him for fear of pushing him further away. fast sex only leads to a faster exit. you can`t win.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): He could be meeting another bird off the dating site and if they dont hit it off he will call you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): you are trying far too hard and it seems you just dont like being on your own. Dont let yourself and your reputation down. Going out of your way to sleep with someone who is not over interested in you is not going to do you any favours in the end. You went out and slept with him. How high is his real opinion of you?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): If he doesnt owe you then you shouldnt be angry. The truth is, you are letting yourself be his meat. If you persist in giving him free ones,it will never win his heart. I would stop this degrading behaviour before it catches up with you and any decent man wont even look at you.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 Why are you annoyed at that? Sounds like he's saying 'I'd like to meet you if this doesn't happen and\or is crap'
Sounds like drinks with work colleagues and he doesn't want to look rude or boring by not going, but would still like toi see you.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 November 2011):
 Btw, this is one of the reason why I think texts should be only used to say " Train arrives at 6.40 ". " I am running 30 minutes late ", stuff like that. For all the rest, they have invented phones and it was an excellent invention.
It sounds to me simply like he is going to be out with friends and won't fix a time to for you - if things don't escalate, i.e. if it does not get too late, or if he does not drink too much, he'll see you. Otherwise he won't.
If I were you, I would not sit by the phone waiting for his good graces. If you are fine with FWB, cool, but at least find an FWB that can be bothered to fix a time and date for your encounters.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): Hun, dont chase. Men dont think anything good about desperate behavior. Especialy to give easy sex. What do you think he would advise your ex in regard to you? Men have names for women remember. Dont give yourself a bad name for some one who doesnt have your well being at heart.
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female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (25 November 2011):
Ok. Colleagues usually means work-related folk.
Most likely, he DID want to meet up with you, but he wanted to ensure you understood that the people he was meeting for drinks didn't see any PDA between the two of you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): ok,u dont want a relationship,but felt angry because he didnt? of course u do. u at least want to think that because he sleeps with u that u must mean something to him. u dont get angry for someone u dont want a relationship with,unless u r slightly narcissistic. it isnt nice to have to say this,but,....if u give ur body freely and easily,u will always get used and thru reputation,it will be all u ever get approached for. if u dont want more, then theres no need to get angry. anyhow,hope he manages to fit u in. x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): He has his life and you have yours? Why were you angry then? You carry on kidding yourself. Making yourself easily available for sex wont make a man respect or love you. It wont make your ex (who you believe you are in love with) respect you either. Respect yourself, please! It sounds like you are clinging to this guy.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (24 November 2011):
Hi there. You said you went out a couple of times, so that means you weren't an actual couple, as such were you?
As someone else here has also said, it does sound like a booty call. Friends with benefits.
If he really liked you, he would be calling you - NOT the other way around, as it seems to be.
It also sounds like that if you didn't call or text him, he wouldn't make the effort at all.
I say this, because he texted you - only because he was answering your text to him. And no other reason.
It doesn't seem like there's any love there.
You have said you are still in love with your ex boyfriend, so this new guy is only someone to kill some time with. He doesn't mean anything to you anyway!
He's like a distraction from the feelings you still have for your ex.
You probably want it to be more, and he doesn't want that.
You want a relationship and he obviously doesn't. He seems to be making that pretty clear.
"I would like to meet up if it doesn't escalate too much", could well be that he only wants sex - with no ties. No strings attached - no emotions involved and NO relationship either. At least for now anyway.
You and him have met up and had sex before now, a couple of times, and he probably sees that as a casual liaison - and nothing more. You were available and you said "Yes", so that's very convenient for him, do you see that?
It really depends on what you want from this guy.
For it ever to be more than sex, you need to get to know each other very well and what makes each other tick. Be genuinely interested in each other as a person, and be interested in their lives and everything about them.
To be in a relationship, there needs to be a whole lot more than just good sex. Sex on it's own - no matter how good it is - will never sustain a long term relationship on it's own, if that's all there is. It would fizzle out very quickly.
If you honestly do like this guy and would like to have a relationship with him and you like him enough, well then the first thing that needs to happen, is for you to STOP all contact with him, and not be available to him at his beck and call, the way you probably do at the moment.
You need to let him initiate all contact.
And if he does like you enough, he will contact you. Even if it's a couple of weeks to a month.
If he does call you after a few weeks, well then it proves you were in his mind at the time.
The true test then, is if he asks to see you, you then ask him to pick you up - don't go there to him. Let him chase you. You want him to woo you, which shows he values you.
Then, supposing he picks you up and you go somewhere - hopefully, it's not just his house - and you see a movie, or have a coffee and cake at a cafe, whatever it is - then after the date, it will be your chance to test his true interest in you.
By this I mean, if he is all over you and it's clear where it's going, then you politely say - "No" - then you see what his reaction is. If he gets angry or immediately takes you back to your house and drops you off in a huff and drives off, well then it's fairly clear the reason for his phone call to see you.
However, don't give up at that point. All is not lost.
Don't contact him - no calls and no texts.
Then you wait. Whatever time it takes before you either hear from him, or you decide he is NOT going to call you again.
You do need to give this calling you back - after a date with him - a timeframe. Like I was saying before, a couple of weeks to about 1 month.
At the end of that time - say 1 month - if you have heard nothing from him, then it's time to decide if you still want to persist in waiting and hoping for him to call you again anytime soon.
It does need to be given a timeframe, so you can make some decisions about your own life and you can keep on moving forward to better things for yourself.
Because otherwise, it will simply hold you back from really living your life. It will just get in the way.
From now on, no contact with him at all. This is to see if he does make contact with you again.
If he does, then you see how it goes. What he talks about, if he simply asks to see you. Or, if he calls you and asks you to something in particular - like a show or dinner. How he does this will clearly determine what his intentions are.
Just asking to see you, indicates it's probably for sex and nothing else. So that's a good gauge for you to go by.
You will probably instinctively know of this, from very early in the conversation.
But again, as I said earlier, it really depends on what you want from this guy in the first place.
It seems that what you want, he isn't prepared to give you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 November 2011):
 well my first take was that he was saying "yeah, I'll meet up but don't think of me as your boyfriend" but what everyone else said about his meeting makes sense too....
I'm afraid you are going to have to ask him....
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female
reader, desirewhitefire  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 I think what he means is he is out with colleagues, and he is obligated to be there for now. He would like to see you, but right now he's in a position he can't get out of.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh not at all ! I am do not feel used, we sleep together. That's all. I do not want a relationship by any means.
He has his life and i have mine and it is cool. I just didn't know how to read the text .. he doesn't owe me even an explanation if he does not want / cannot make it ..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): why not ask him what it means? you say your annoyed but its more likely you feel used and spoken down to. did your parents never warn you about boys?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ! Maybe i am reading too much into this and he just wanted to say that if he finish not too late he would love to meet up ..
There is no point in wanting to meet just for drinks or having a chat on a relationship but i was a bit confused. And to be honest i felt a bit insulted when i thought he was trying to tell me to do not get overexcited ..
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): My personal take - I would read this to say he would like to meet up with you if he and his colleagues don't end up drinking too much beforehand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): Tell if he isn't going to put out then don't bother texting. :P
Wait. What is it you want from this guy?
How do you just hook up, have sex, and then expect the guy to all of a sudden act like he is in love with you and is ready for a long term commitment?
You are acting like a GF and you are NOT. You are a booty call. Its all he knows of you to be.
I think he is saying don't expect any commitment and put out or stay out of his life.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 I think one should always go with the first assumption, or first guess, because that tends to be the correct guess.
He probably meant what you first though, and by default as a woman you are in hindsight reading too much into it. Guys are pretty straight forward and don't speak in codes or between the lines, so don't over-analyze texts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): In the context he put it I would say he means that he does want to meet if his meeting with his colleagues doesn't finish too late. I would'n't read into something which isn't there. Truth is, this could be just casual sex you are having with him, I would just enjoy for the time being but do not expect too much.
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female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (24 November 2011):
 Hello,
From what I can read here, he means..."Yes, i'll do drinks but nothing more." In other words he is not keen on furthering the sexual side/staying overnight/intimate side anymore. Only my opinion though!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): you have to ask him what he means exactly. the direct approach works best usually. text him back and say what do you mean by escalate? my guess is he means he does not want the casual here and there sex to escalate into something more, he sees this as a casual sexcapade and nothing more.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): It sounds like he means he'll meet up some time but dont start thinking youre an item. To be honest its a bit insulting. He's used you and wants you at arms length.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): You could easily text him back and ask him what do you mean? I don’t think he meant about relationship it seems more likely that if "I finishes not too late he will meet you"
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