A
female
age
51-59,
*7
writes:hi i feel for all the women who have gone though this. why cant men understand it makes you question yourself has a person. I am not against porn but it hurts more then ever knowing he relieves himself to other women. he says its not the person its what they are doing i do try and understand but they are always mostly woman never hardly men with them.I did look at the pages he was looking at (not a good idea that i done that) and they were sexy with great bodies which hurt soooo much that they turned him on so much and that he visited the same girls alot. I have tried to forget and not care but i don't think that has helped me. I cry when i think about it I even see their faces as i looked at them which was the worse mistake i could of done. I feel like I am sharing him with the other girls he watches. I started to accept that he watches it and started to come to terms with it but then the phone bill came in and found he had rang them tv sex talk lines on sky not once but 6 times. That i could not accept. It felt like he had cheated. He couldn't understand how i felt it was bad enough he watched but he had to phone and have another women talk to him in that way why? Once again he said its what there doing not what they look like yeah right? there was a big row and once again i gave in and accepted it and he said he would stop. Then i found on his work laptop that his been doing it at work downloading porn like girls in the shower etc and also watching it while i was in the bath. That has finished me off. I feel so ugly and like I am worth nothing to him. I've got to the point where i see him and just see all the women i don't want him near me but still love him very much. He has made my self confidence totally disappear which was not alot has was abused as a kid and he knows this but don't seem to care he has said he will stop as it affects me but how do i trust him. Thats the thing i will never know if his lying. Please can someone give me advice has I give up with life. thankyou
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at work, confidence, insecure, porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): Please don't feel insecure, you have no reason to, if only you weren't so emotionally involved you might see it's your partner with the problems. And NO, NO, NO, not ALL women have partners or men in their life that want to watch porn to be turned on to initiate sex with a partner, or get off on it!
Don't be pressured into thinking this, or ' this is how men are ' men like to watch porn ' as soon as you make that the excuse, then you will open yourself up to a relationship where you start believing it's a normal part of being together. Porn is just copulating, there is nothing glamorous, sexy or healthy about it, well certainly NOT in the terms that you explain.
No one is suggesting that couples do not feel curious or want to watch the odd porn film ( personally never needed it myself NOR any of my partners, I prefer to DO than watch) but your partners liking for such material is beyond the norm. Watching at work, calling in on premium rate numbers!
All men LOOK at beautiful women, it's how often, where, and whether they do it in a manner that shows absolutely NO emotional maturity, like some pubescent boy, where they treat a partner with whom they share life with, like they're single at home with parents trying to disguise their sexual interest.
I have answered on this topic only recently, so you may be interested in taking a look http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-do-guys-think-about-women-watching-porn.html
But let me assure you, it's NOTHING to do with you, or how you look, so don't feel insecure. What you're experiencing isn't normal, but it's only you who can decide what you will and won't, put up with in a relationship.
Jilly
A
female
reader, RAVEMORE  +, writes (7 August 2010):
Oh no! Please don't give up on LIFE for this turd of a guy! If you must give up on love for a while,that's o.k but life? No!
It's very insensitive that he doesn't take into consideration your past hurts.You need to take good care of yourself, first and foremost. You cannot let a guy ruin your sense of self-esteem and sexual confidence.
For what it's worth, I knew of women with perfect porno star looks who got shitty, uncaring boyfriends.
You think these women are more than you, because your boyfriend masturbates to their image, but it's just an illusion.
I know it's hard for us women, because we get so pressured to look perfect but look perfect for what? So we can be exploited by the porn industry? So every guy wants to sleep with us but never gets to truly love or respect us for who we are?
Porn is about release and masturbation. It's quick,easy, and it doesn't nag.
Your boyfriend is hiding his porn viewing like a dirty secret. Does he try to get you involved or use it as a turn on for the both of you?
It's concerning that he is investing money in that "hobby" as well as secretly calling these sex lines.
I think the insecure one is him, not you. He is insecure that he can be a true man and have real sex, not pretend that he's a stud while watching images. These women are 2 dimensional, you're not.
I hope you can talk to him about his uncaring, indifferent attitude towards your needs.
Best of luck.
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