A
male
age
41-50,
*ayc1982
writes:Hello every one I am a 28 year old male and this is my questions and story.Two years ago I was getting read to deploy to Iraq in February 2009 and I met a girl in November 2008 at an old college party and the connection was instant. We spent as much time as we could together considering we have lived in 4 hours away from each other. She made me so happy but with me deploying and my brother who just passed away made me very confused with life and made me scared. Right before I deployed I told her that I was feeling numb and I was scared I wouldn’t come home and that maybe she should start dating other people. She insisted that she loved me so much and that she would stick through with me and that she would wait for me 100%. I left for training to Iraq and didn’t have much time to talk to her but whenever I did she would tell me how much she missed and loved me and how she wants to settle down with me. I came home for leave after training and we hung out. She told me she loved me. The next day I officially left for Iraq and something just didn’t feel right about her. She was the first person I called when I got to Iraq and she seemed weird and distant. I did some digging with her and found out that she had been sleeping with other guys while I was in training. She turned it around and made it seem like my fault by telling me that we weren’t officially together and that we never made a verbal commitment. I was so hurt and in shock and going through a lot especially since I was deployed in Iraq. What hurt the most was she even slept with a few of my fraternity brothers from college. I was so hurt and embarrassed that she was with my friends. I didn’t care too much about guys I didn’t know or any one else knew but it still hurt bad! We tried working things out over the phone while I was away but she ended up leaving me anyway. We didn’t talk the rest of the time I was deployed. As soon as got home in November 2009 she said she needed to talk to me. (At the time she was seeing someone and she had also hooked up with another fraternity brother behind my back while I was gone.) Anyway she told me how sorry she was and that she couldn’t live without me and that she loved me more than anything so I just couldn’t be without her so I decided to give it another try. She left the guy she was seeing while I was in Iraq and as I put everything behind me I couldn’t of been happier. However I was really messed up in the head and I ended up sleeping around with many woman behind her back and told her about it. She forgave me as well but still I couldn’t trust her. She suffered from a major eating disorder and had a lot of insecurity issues. Either way I loved her more than anything. I left her on New years eve 2010 because I was still so angry at her for what she did to me and she begged me not to leave her. She told me she needed me. Ever since I left her I have been empty inside I just don’t feel alive anymore. All I think about is her and how much I loved her and how I wish I could talk to her again. Last time we spoke she said such horrible things to me and said she never wanted to hear from me again. I said some horrible things back but I regret them now and just with I could speak with her again and have good closure. Anyway I loved this girl like nobody I have ever loved. We just had this connection and this comfort when we were around each other that you just can’t find anywhere else. I am so alone and I am a very handsome man who is in great shape with six pack abs and go to the gym all the time but no woman I meet or even had sex with to get her off my mind can compare to the way I felt about her. I feel so alone and just don’t want to waste my time with anyone else anymore. I loved being around this girl. Will I love again? Will I be happy with someone again, or does this kind of love just come once? It’s like a double edge sword, I meet my soul mate, my other half but at the same time she was really sick and unreliable and untrustworthy. No matter what I do or who I am with I just don’t feel like myself and it’s almost been a year since I saw her. Why has this happened, and if I decided to settle for someone else will I forget about her or will I always have a love for her. Life isn’t fair and I’d give anything to just talk to her again. What is everyone else response to this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2010): honestly, i dont think you two are in love with one another. you both are so mean and bitter to one another. and you both love to sleep around so much and trying to blame one another. this is sick. you really sound like an angry playboy just revenging to all the girls while she is simply think you are a good looking guy and hopefully that will help her to regain her self confidence. everyone knows how a good looking partner helps to make the other feel proud of themselves. i think it is best if you go look for counseling.
A
female
reader, jenjen.270 +, writes (7 August 2010):
 Hey man, you are in a realy bad situation. It sounds like you really love this girl and that she really loves you. You both got a lot of shit going on personally and it seems like you both need to work on each other before you can work on a relationship. My suggestion to you would find a counselor, or a pastor and talk with them. I work at a codependency treatment center, a lot of people come here for relationship issues, look up codependecy and seek some help in that area.
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