A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here is the situation and I will try to keep this as short as possible so thanks for bearing with me.At the age of 22 I started dating this 25 year old man and we became "official" in August of 2014 after 2 months of dating. He says he has always been fully aware of what he was getting himself into dating a woman with a child. He is amazing with my 6 year old daughter and we have never had an issue over her.My problem comes in with his family. Mainly his parents, they are very old fashioned and don't agree with his choice of being with someone with a child. I can't say I blame them, I would be lying if I said my first choice for my children would be someone with a child. His siblings are great, I have met his brother, his sister in law and his sister. They have all expressed to me that they were dying to meet the woman that changed their brother so much. Apparently he is a different man and not so grumpy all the time. They told me that they can tell he is happy. He has also met almost my entire family.My boyfriend tells me he's in love with me, he wants to move in, have our own children and that he knows he's crazy for thinking this way since we have only been dating for about 7 or 8 months. He understands we have to take things slow but he insists that he's in a place in life where he knows what he wants and that its with me and I'm crazy enough to believe him.However, there are certain things that throw me off and I'm not sure whether they should or not. It seems like we are serious, that he loves me, and we are creeping on a year of being together and I have yet to meet his parents. He has mentioned things that make it sound like his mother wants to meet me but won't say it but his father to this days takes low blows about him playing "daddy". It seems they have come to terms that their son is dating a mom but haven't yet accepted it.Today in a conversation he mentioned that he has never sat down with them and made our relationship clear and he also told me he tries to avoid talking about me and that he tries to avoid having them ask questions about me or anything that has to do with me. When I asked him about it he said, he just said that in reality he was really just trying to avoid hearing anything negative from them about me. He also told me the reason I haven't met them was only because he was trying to protect me from them because he doesn't want them to hurt my feelings.In the end I just don't know what to thinks. How could he love me and want to move in but be too scared to confront his parents? Maybe not confront but stand up for our relationship? Should I be worried or am I just over thinking things? Thanks in advance for taking the time to read my post and thanks in advance for any advice you may have!
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female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (28 January 2015):
 I don't think it's indicative that he doesn't love you. His parents gave him life and were his caregivers. Their opinions are probably important to him, not in a way that he is willing to abide by them all, but a way in which he could be easily hurt by them. He doesn't want his relationship with them destructed, and he doesn't want to progress with them in the wrong way, and destroy their potential relationship with you.
Expect him to stand up for you to his friends, or siblings, and to speak well of you and BE with you regardless of what he knows they will say. DONT expect him to to declare to them his love for you and be invincible to their malignant judgement. The disapproval from parents can be detrimental to family gatherings, occasions and memories. Trust him to choose the right time and place to clarify to them what you mean to him. His relationship with them is separate from yours and you should take pride that he has boasted to a majority of the people his values most. Try not to put pressure on him, and definitely don't take it personally. This is about him and them.
~Sy
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (27 January 2015):
Well, parents can be assholes about certain things. I stopped inviting friends over when I was still living with my parents because my dad could be a real jerk about things, always itching to pick a fight and always being very judgmental. My mom is a lot softer, but she basically has nothing to say in the household. My dad's strategy is to basically raise his voice until everybody shuts up or start banging with his fists on the table or generally behaving like an animal with anger management issues. My friends always felt like they needed to walk on eggshells and meeting up with them was usually a case of me finally being able to escape the house for a bit.
I also never brought boyfriends home to them because my dad always makes comments about stuff like "if you bring home a guy like that [insert any person who has a different skincolor than white, or isn't very educated, etc] I will [insert threat]." Not really inviting, is it. I talk to my mom about guys I like, but generally not my dad. Maybe I'm a coward, maybe I should confront him and be righteously angry with him. But honestly, I've tried confronting him about stuff before and it's like tampering with a bomb and having it blow up in your face.
If your boyfriend's dad is anything like mine, I can understand him avoiding the subject as long as possible. My dad is not physically abusive, per se (I mean he slapped me around when I was a kid and once dragged me out of the room by my hair) but he's very difficult to deal with. I think your boyfriend might be waiting for the moment when it's inevitable (marriage, engagement, etc.) to tell him.
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