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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship for 19 years. He does'nt want marriage or commitment - he has never been married before and lives with his 91 year old mother who is his life. What do I do don't love him anymore I only see him on Saturday evenings and then leaves to go back to his mother. I think I am wasting my time with this man. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (9 March 2006):
 He is really attatched to the mother and sees you as his once a week bit of fun, whilst you keep on allowing this to happen it will.
He does have a terribly hard time as the main carer for his mother and maybe he cannot get anyone to look after her this is why he only sees you once a week, if this is the case it will not go on forever but could be another 10 years or more, do you want this for next 10 years?
Tell him straight that you want more and as he cannot give you more you have no choice but to end the relationship so you can find a man to share your whole life with.
See what a shock he gets and if that makes a difference if not then do as you say and move on.
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (9 March 2006):
 If you do not love this man anymore then can I ask ...why are you with him? His Mum wont be around forever at 91 but I dont think that is your real problem because of what you have said.
If you really dont love him let him go. Why continue with a deeply ingrained habit. Let him go and go find somebody who really floats your boat.....
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (9 March 2006):
 His mother is very old, 91 years old!! I should expect she needs a lot of looking after. If she is his whole life, then he must now be very anxious at the fact that he could loose her soon and must be making the most of his time left with her and looking after her.
You say he doesn't want commitment, yet he has been in a relationship with you for 19years, that sounds like commitment to me.... However you want more, and that's fair enough. You want marriage and he doesn't... You said you don't love him anymore, so I take it you don't want to marry him anymore? Or is just a case of if he made you feel important you fall back in love?
You basically have two choices here. If you still want to try and make things work, you will have to understand that he wants to spend as much time with his mum before he looses her and wants to care for her and look after her. Pherhaps instead of just seeing him on Saturdays you could offer to help him look after his mum. You get to see him more and you would understand more what he is doing with time....
If you are sure that you've had enough then the best thing to is obviously to move on and get yourself a new life, one that you enjoy. Pherhaps it would be quite hard to do this after being in a relationship for 19 years, but it could also be refreshing. If it is marriage you are looking for and he is adamant aginst it, maybe you could find someone who has the same dreams and desires as you,
Whatever you decide to do, I hope you pan out happy and wish you good luck x
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A
female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (9 March 2006):
 I think you may be just wasting your time if you only see him once a week, especially. If his mother is his whole life, where would you fit in? I'm sure you could find someone better that isn't so into their mother that they would have more time for you.
Good Luck!
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