A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a great guy for a little over 5 months. We are both in our 20's. He has a very demanding job, and is extremely busy, while I am a college student with a much more flexible schedule. Our sex life has always been great- we have awesome bedroom chemistry, and it has always been an enjoyable, zesty enterprise for us both. However, he decided to stop drinking for a month- he felt like he was doing it too much. He has lost all interest in sex- we haven't done it in about a month. He says it is because his emotions and thoughts are all changing and becoming clearer because he has stopped drinking. Also, he is on anti-depressants, and I have read that they can decrease libido. He is still very affectionate- we cuddle every night we are together, and hold hands and kiss. I asked him if I had put on weight or anything since we started dating, and he insists that I have nothing to do with his lack of libido. Does this seem plausible? If this is a temporary thing, it is definitely worth it for me to wait it out and be patient and give him time, because he is a great person. I just want to know if the reasons he gave me for this seem legitimate. How long is too long without sex, especially in a new-ish relationship between young people??
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 March 2010):
 Yep that is a bad mixture for the ole libido. Get him into the doc to adjust that anti depressant, some of them have exactly that side effect. Getting him off the alcohol will be worth it all in the long run.
Also tell him from time to time that you really need sex. He will likely enjoy it once you get him started. A lot of people feel they are too stressed and tense to have sex. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sex is a great stress reliever. Some times you need to give him a good back massage first to start unwinding him.
I often have this problem with my wife when her job is stressful. She will stay up all night worrying instead of working out her adrenaline on me. And, I'm missing the obvious benefit. So put your foot down from time to time, it will be as good for him as it is for you.
FA
PS. remember that he doesn't get spring break and the relief of finals being over. You currently have time and inclination in excess, and he never gets that now.
A
male
reader, anysecondnow  +, writes (15 March 2010):
The reasons seem completely legitimate, but you never know.
A month does seem to be a long time. I would say that you could afford to be patient for awhile longer, but...
You haven't been going out that long and I don't think you are under any obligation to stay with this guy indefinitely while he sorts out his many problems... If the relationship is important to him, he will find a way to deal with his issues and meet your needs.
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A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (14 March 2010):
 I think he is stressed, this has an amazing impact on lack of sex drive. I dont think the problem is you, if he had issues he would not be holding your hand and kissing.
Give him time, keep an eye on him for anything out of the ordinary as it could be a sign he needs help. If you can try and go on a vacation together to get him away from his work for a few days.
If your relationship is strong then no sex should not matter, I guess it depends on the couple as to how much sex is engaged. If you happy with everything else then just wait.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 March 2010):
Wow, what a mixture. He's in a demanding job, he's on anti depressants, and he trying to get away from alcohol as well. 100% is has nothing to do with you. The demanding job alone can be enough to decrease the libido. But added to he other issues, this is perfectly plausible. Clearly if little changes though, he may need to see a doctor.
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A
female
reader, Jo1983 +, writes (14 March 2010):
He seems to love you very much i am wiv an alcoholic who if he doesnt have a drink he can have problems performing in the bedroom it could also be the anti depressants cause they can bring u down before they bring u up.If i was u be patient you sound so good toghter dont let sex ruin it.Give him time think about what ur reward will be when his hunger of sex comes back.Dont worry he is showing u affection so he still is keen on you.Also try dressing up or wearing something sexy it might help him but it will make u feel sexy too.Hope i have helped good luck.
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