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female
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anonymous
writes: I have had a very on off relationship with this guy for th last three and half years. it didnt work when we went out but we were always drawn to oneanother and started sleeping together. we have however never gone back out officially. late last year we had a miscarriage. he did want it at first and then came round to the idea. i was resolute to keepin it and told him that we shouldnt be together. after i lost it he was there periodically but eventually i told him that we both needed to move on.. a thing i found really hard. i havent met anyone. he has been on dates and been really active about. i on the other hand have got jealous and upset about things and found it really hard. i recently decided to move away as i think that is the healthist thing. unfortunately we started to sleep together. i felt really uneasy about it and checked his phone and found some naughty messages from girls in there. after much questioning he admitted that he is back with one girl he went out with before.( the first time he went out with her he slept with me and then told me he was with her) iwas devasted to be used and harshly cast aside after all that has happened. my house mate is a close friend of hers and told her about it. initially she said i was jealous and lying. but he admitted it and she has decided to stay with him saying the relationship is solid and safe. he has sent me some really bitter messages telling me to rot in hell and i am really scared. i totally admit to my jealousy. how do i behave to this? do i respond, am actually a bit scared of going out in case i see them as i feel really ashamed, embarassed, used and worthless and to top it off im getting these texts. wot to do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2006): solid and safe my a..., he is a player tell him to f... off and her aswell if you have to. You will get through this and please learn from your mistake, just because they sleep with you don't always mean they love you choose wisely next time and take care
A
female
reader, Evangeline  +, writes (15 October 2006):
 Firstly to say, You poor poor thing! I have had a very similar experience with a previous boyfriend, who obviously could not handle the experience of us getting pregnant - he now dates a previous girlfriend of mine. All you can learn from a devastating experience like this (which it is!) Is that he is a coward! He's a complete coward - the way he has responded to the issue by being nasty shows that he simply is not cut out for the responsibilities which faced you in the relationship.
Its easy to spend days, weeks, months even, going over everything trying to make logic out of the mess (believe me theres no logic to any of it!) Try and get away from it all, do things new and exciting that will get your mind off the whole issue - literally things you've never done before that will force you to take your mind off it. I know its easier said than done, but it is important to not to let this situation take more of a toll than it already has.
If you get sudden and spontaneous periods of feeling down -which are likely and perfectly natural. Its a good idea to phone various free national helplines like the samartians or the miscarriage association. You can talk to them for free 24/7 or via emails. Sometimes its ahelp being able to talk to someone whenever you need to (talking to a counciller can be more intimidating and you dont have the freedom of time of day etc).
Im really sorry your going through this! It brings back horrible memories for me! I hope i've been a help
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