A
female
age
30-35,
*oveelifee
writes:Dear CupidI'm typing this post because I don't really know who to talk to about this. I have been with my boyfriend for a little over two years and me and him have been through a lot, like most long term relationships.I feel like I'm having some major problems with his friends though.I'll start off with his male friends. They seem to always be so involved in my boyfriend and I's relationship. They know almost everything that's going on between us and of course they are going to take my boyfriend's side over mine any day.They make judgments about me and just don't seem to care for me much. They have even made comments about me calling me a bitch and stupid. They're always hanging out with my boyfriend and nobody ever invites me along. I know they all talk bad about me too. His female friend's tell him to break up with me and that I'm not right for him. They'll flirt with him right in front of me and give me dirty looks. They like to ignore me and one of them has even wanted to fist fight me for no reason and threatens me. I don't feel like I have any sort of friendship with my boyfriends friends and it really does bother me. I feel like I'm unwanted and that I'm not liked.My boyfriend does stick up for me a lot, but that doesn't stop what his friends do. My boyfriend and I are really trying to make a future happen and we are really serious about each other, but it is so upsetting that his friends are like this and they are seriously affecting my relationship. I just want to be happy with my boyfriend without all of this drama and stress. Anything I can do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 April 2013):
 OP said about her boyfriend’s friends “They have even made comments about me calling me a bitch and stupid.”
And when these so called FRIENDS say this to him about you or to you in front of him, what does HE DO? You said “My boyfriend does stick up for me a lot, but that doesn't stop what his friends do.” REALLY?
Let me tell you what happened in my world before I tell you what you can do. You won’t like what I’m going to say….
When I first started dating my now husband we were VERY casual (NSA/FWB kind of thing) I am 13 years older than my husband and not bad looking for a middle aged lady. His then closest friend was told about our “agreement” and he said “it’s old and not that attractive, hit it and be done.” Now this is not a young man by your standards. He’s in his 30s but he just found it acceptable to be nasty about me since I was not his cup of tea. At the time, my hubby laughed because I was just NOT that critical to his life and he was NOT going to lose a friend over something so stupid and rude. Then we got serious. And life changed. And the next time he saw this friend of his he said to him “she and I are now SERIOUS and I will NO LONGER tolerate your disrespecting her in any way and if you choose to do so our friendship is over.” Guess who treats me with kid gloves now? Yep, the former best friend who is relegated now to being seen casually a few times a year at gaming events. And I’m not sure if he knew I knew what he said about me he could look me in the eye like he does.
My point is, does your boyfriend REALLY stick up for you? What does he do, if he laughs and says “cut it out” that’s not sticking up for you, that’s mouthing what he thinks he should say.
Anything you can do? Yep… get a boyfriend that values you and treats you with the respect you deserve. That means he makes his friends respect you or he ends the friendship because while friends are important, the most important person in your life is your life partner. If you are planning to be serious with this boy, then either he has to stand up properly or you need to reconsider the relationship.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 April 2013):
I feel like there must be a lot you're not mentioning here. Did you cheat on him or something?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 April 2013):
 What Sageoldguy said.
At first, I was probably going to say that it's bad when in a couple people feel they have to choose and take sides between their partner and their friends, so maybe it's best to " agree to disagree " and just to never mingle, and keep each one his/her own set of friends, ... but then I kept reading and ... what ?? There are limits and your bf's friends are trespassing them, and your bf is letting them . A female friend of your bf threatens to beat you up, and he is still friends with her ?? His male friends call you bitch in front of him, and he " stands up a lot for you " , yet has not found a way yet to make them STOP ? To tell his friends that they may dislike you, but they may NOT insult you in his face ?
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A
female
reader, uzer  +, writes (10 April 2013):
This is just my opinion, but a decent boyfriend or girlfriend would NEVER let someone talk serious crap about their significant other if they really loved/cared about them. Especially using the b-word. They'd also never let anyone talk in their ear and tell them to break up with their mate. If anyone told me to break up with my boyfriend, unless I was in an abusive relationship. I'd kindly tell them to shut the hell up and mind their own business since I'm old enough to make my on decisions. Him not objecting to these things only shows his somewhat indifference, like Sageoldguy said, and that's not good in any serious commitment.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 April 2013):
 The "problem" isn't with your B/F's friends.... it's with your "B/F". What you've described is a guy who is relatively indifferent to his G/F.... allowing his "friends" to behave in this manner....
You can do only ONE thing. TELL your "B/F" (again!) that what he and his friends do is hurtful to you... and ask him to intervene.... I predict that he will tell you that you are imagining things... and, anyways, that his friends "don't mean it" when they chide, criticize and disrespect you.... What THAT will REALLY mean is that he doesn't think that there's anything wrong with his "friends'" behaviour.... By THAT, you will have conclusive proof that your "B/F" isn't much of a "B/F," after all..... and you will be wise to break up with him.
Good luck....
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