A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There is something that has been bothering me a lot and I don't know how to deal with it. Basically, my boyfriend's best friend has got a new girlfriend. This girl is absolutely gorgeous and seems to have a really flirty personality. She definitely over powers me in looks and personality, just everything about her seems better than me. Me and her are just completely different people.I'm upset because it seems like everyone is all over this girl, even my boyfriend. The way he looks at her and the way he talks to her is a bit on the flirty side, and she also flirts with him a bit too. They also seem to talk a lot privately as well. It's like nobody even realizes I'm here anymore. They're giving this girl so much attention. It seems like I was the only one who was not introduced to her. She is always inviting everyone (including my boyfriend) out to parties or to hang out and stuff, and I am never invited to anything anymore. It just feels like everyone would rather be around this girl than around me. I know it may seem like I'm jealous and insecure, and maybe I am about this situation, but I have never had any jealousy or insecure issues with my boyfriend in the past at all. Me and him have always had a very trusting relationship.I don't even think jealousy is the issue here because I don't feel jealous, I feel left out and lonely from everything now ever since this girl came along. I just feel like everyone has gotten bored of me and doesn't want to hang around me anymore. I feel like even my boyfriend has gotten bored of me too and would rather be with his friends and this new girl than with me.Anyone have any opinions on what I should do? Thanks for reading.
View related questions:
best friend, flirt, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): Oh babe trust me without all that makeup she is just like any ordinary girl. My advice to you so as to stop feeling insecure is to have a makeover, like, a new hairstyle or buy new sexy clothes that makes you just as attractive as this girl.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 April 2013):
I doubt strongly that she overpowers you in looks and personality. I’m betting that she’s just way more confident than you are. You say you are very different people. And that’s ok. And that’s good… that means you won’t appeal to the same man probably.
She’s “the new girl at the party” and guess what… everyone wants to be the “new girl”. You get all the attention and you’re the shiny new toy. You say you are not jealous but I don’t think that’s accurate. I don’t think you are afraid of her stealing your boyfriend so I don’t think you’re jealous in what’s considered the traditional sense of the word. Rather, you’re jealous of all the attention she’s getting. (Pretty normal feelings in my opinion) YOU want to be the shiny new toy and garner all the attention. Human nature is so typical, even kids want to play with the new toys over the old favs for a while, till they find out the new toy may not be as good as the old one in terms of what really matters.
When she invites your friends and your boyfriend to parties and stuff do they make sure you are included? Or do they go off without you? This is a key point for me, if your boyfriend is going to parties and stuff with her without you, then it’s a problem. If on the other hand he tells her ‘sure we will be there’ and brings you, then no problem.
What to do? There are two old sayings that I think may work here….
1. Kill them with kindness. What I mean is BE as kind and as sweet to her as humanly possible. Make her your BFF. Call her, invite her to places, ask her opinion, and compliment her. Ask her to help you go shopping for something…. A meal out just to get to know her. You may hate this at first, and yet you may find that she’s not what you currently think. Many times very very pretty girls are insanely insecure and lonely and they fill their void by appearing to be the party girl and the outgoing one. For all you know she goes home at night and writes in her journal about how she wishes she was you.
2. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer…. Same as above… if you and her become friends, then folks will view her differently than if you two stay distant. Your boyfriend won’t see her as an option, your other friends won’t see you as being threatened by her (even if you don’t say something folks will pick up on it). You make her your BFF and that takes all the wind out of her sails.
I’m betting she’s actually pretty insecure and her behavior is a smoke screen to cover up her insecurity and shyness. (shy does not mean you can't talk to people... there are many folks who are OUTGOING but shy because they don't let anyone near them... they then become mysterious and more of a challenge without meaning to.)
...............................
|
