A
female
age
36-40,
*upidLover
writes:My boyfriend and i have been on and off for the past year and something that i noticed lately thats been bothering me are his friends (both girls and boys).His friends aren't the friendliest people, i am the most outgoing friendliest person around..but they come off arrogant and that is really off putting for me.I find myself sort of getting irritated at my bf because of this; they've grown up together etc so they get along really well...but they don't put any effort into trying to get to know me...its frustrating and i don't know what to do. You could say that the girls may come off bitchyWe'll go out and i find myself being left out, i have tried to be friendly but they're just a waste of effort.Should i just not go out with them and my bf? should i just go out with my bf when he isn't with them? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 Tiger's advice is great.Dont make any explanations to your boyfriend.Make suggestions instead. Tell him you liked his particular friend and would be great if you 3 went to see a movie together.It will be a painful process but you will prove that u have a strong personality and guts! and all that without doing ur boyfriends head in! if it doesnt work...just stop meeting them and focus on ur own friends.suggest ur guy goes out with u and ur friends since his friends are being douchebags.
A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (16 April 2010):
Maybe try a strategy of divide and conquer. If they are a whole group that has grown up together, the dynamics of that have already been established. So you come along and you are definitely going to disrupt the group dynamic and be an outsider. You sense this and they probably do too which is why they act distant and maybe even a little bitchy towards you. On a sub-conscious level you are messing with their established, comfortable dynamic. There's not much you can do about that when it's 1 against (however many).
So I recommend a strategy of divide and conquer. Try taking them on in smaller groups. Like you and your BF and maybe just ONE other friend going to a movie. When it's more one and one, then you have to opportunity to interact and bond with them and they don't really have much of a choice but to see you as a person instead of an "outsider".
Start with the easiest one in the group. Then if you can win say one girl over, she will report back to the other girls that hey, you are really pretty cool. Girls are more social so that would help, but if you need to start with one of the guys then do that. Because once you have one ally who is in the group to accept you then you can start reaching out to others. Then you go out with your BF, your ally and the next person. This dynamic then will be TWO people who like you, and the next in line will feel that "accepted" vibe.
I hope this makes sense. good luck and stay positive!
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A
female
reader, terrifenby  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 What you have to remember is that when in a relationship you both need to have a seperate circle of friends and ones that you can both hang around with. Give him time with his mates and you hang with yours. But tell him that you want to see him without his mates following behind him. But dont make him choose between you and his friends! Although they may be arrogant and hard to get on with you just have to try when you are with them.. You are after all going into his circle of friends.
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