A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, We have been married for almost 5 years and we have a 20 months darling boy. I love my husband very much and I am sure that he loves me. However, recently I have been facing two major problems: 1. When my husband drinks a little too much, he can get verbally abusive. He tell me things like 'you need to see a therapist' and ' you are a shitty person' and 'if I would leave you today, I can think of a million places that I can be 20 times happier than with you.' When I confront him the next day with what he had done or said, he either does not remember anything or tells me that I must be exagerating. he often gets defensive and does not like to say i am sorry or at least acknowledge that i have been hurt. 2. Recently his childhood friend got separated from his wife and has come from overseas to visit in December for 3 weeks. At first I thought it was too much and that I will be very uncomfortable in my own home, but I handle it well and did not complain. Needless to say that every day they drank and of course, my husband got drunk and abusive. We were also visitng his home town last summer and his friend kep on taking him away from me, speaking in a language that I don't understand, not respecting my presence and not directing any conversation to me. He came with us to almost all our outings and did not give us our space on our family vacation. I felt sophsticated and angry. Most of all, frustrated because I could not say anything to my husband beacuse I was afraid of his reaction, after all, that is his childhood friend.now, his friend decided to visit AGAIN (twice in less than 3 months) which is more than I can handle. I am a person who likes her privacy and space at home. but yet again, i did not say anything since it was my husaban's 40th birthday and i wanted him to be happy. But the same things took place (drinking, abuse, anger, neglect, rudeness, disrespect, etc). My husband does not act the same around this friend, he does not give me enough attention and he is distracted all the time. His friend makes sure to get the bigger size of the pie if you know what i mean. Now to my disbelief, my husband told me that his friend is planing to move to the country we live at, buy a house and start up a business. Although he has two daughters back home, he is prepared to leave them and come live where we are!!! shocking!!!!! Of course this made me sick to my stomach and I immediatly told my husband that I have a problem with his friend and that I have to talk to him. To my surprise, and I have to say that I am in total disbelief till now, my husband told me and I quote "if you have a problem with my friend then you have a problem with me". Please please please tell me what to do. I feel this friend is wrecking my marriage. I am very scared and don't know what to do. My husband does not drink too much unless he is around him and he brings out the worst in him. He is not himself when he is around him and I want to save my marriage but don't know what to do. Please HELP ME!!!!!!
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female
reader, Full moon temptress1  +, writes (17 March 2009):
Have you thought of maybe taping your husband when he is abusive,so when he is sober he can hear how horrible he is.This might be just the thing he needs to realise he has a drink problem.He has to take responsibilty for his actions,and not pass it off as 'your exagerating'or 'can't remember'.good luck
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 March 2009):
 Your husband has a drinking problem. When people's personalities changed after they have been drinking,they have a serious problem metabolizing alcohol. The fact that he also has blackouts is very much another symptom of alcoholism. However HE has to be the one to recognize that he has this problem. If you can, try to get a small tape recorder and tape him being abusive and play it for him the next morning. It may be the eye opener he needs. If the verbal abuse increases you may need to separate from him. Unfortunately verbal abuse often turns physical and you have your son's well-being to consider as well as your own. Good luck and keep us posted.
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