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female
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anonymous
writes:Im scared my bf is going to break up with me. Ive met his family twice and I am pretty shy around them. I dont really say much, I'll say hi how are you and smile etc, and Ill talk to them if they ask me a question etc. However I am not good at starting conversations with them. The problem is I am REALLY shy in big groups of people, and my bf's family is huge!!! 8 people. That is double the size of my family. On top of all of that, his family are a bit 'out there', very rowdy and loud etc- complete opposite to me and my family and what im used to. So I feel really uncomfortable around them. On top of all of that, his family havent really showed much interest in me. I dont even feel like they want to get to know me bevause they dont make really any effort to talk to me. So i feel prety hurt and judged unfairly by my bf for him to put all the blame on me for why there is little conversation between me and his family. His family dont go out of there way to talk to me. They ignore me most of the time. I find it hard to also join in on the conversations because of the topics they talk about. They either talk about things I cant relate to, their past family experiences, or family friends who I dont know. Or they talk and joke about some really gross and rude stuff, which my family dont do. So I have NO idea how to act in such a situation. It makes me feel really awkward. I dont know what to do. My bf is really upset by the situation. I think his parents must of made some nasty comments about me to him. I get the feeling they are very pretencious type people- another reason why im uncomfortable around them.I dont know how to deal with the situation. I am shy in big groups of new people until I have spent alot of time with them personally, and his family dont make me feel welcome, and they talk about stuff that makes me feel uncomfortale or that I cant relate to. What do i do? I feel like this could be a deal breaker for our relationship as me geting on with my bf's family is relaly importnat to him. I want to get on with them but I dont know how to feel comfortable around them. Any advice? Also how can I make him see that im not the only one responsible for this situation? How can i make him see that me being shy is not the only issue, that his family are part of the cause too as the ignore me and dont make much effort either.
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male
reader, Jason32477  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 Your bf`s family sounds a lot like mine and very similar to how they react with the gf`s I`ve had.Lately that has caused a lot of strife and at the moment I`m not on speaking terms with most of them.(there are other issues involved as well though).The only thing I really have to say to this is your bf needs to realize that HE is the one in a relationship with you.Not his family.If he can`t come to grips with that simple fact then your relationship may be doomed to fail.I don`t see where there is a whole lot that can be done.Try talking to your bf about how you feel,and maybe spend less time around his family.
A
female
reader, gRaa  +, writes (19 July 2009):
 his family should back off! its got nothing to do with then who there relitives wanna be with, they should deal with the fact that you love each other
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (19 July 2009):
 Talking to your bf about what you have put in your message is the way forward here.
Why not put it down on paper to him if you don't feel comfortable talking to him about it. How does your family treat him? Do you spend any time around your family with him?
I was in a long term relationship where my family were very close but we were open and honest and had morals and my ex bf was from a slightly larger family and there had been a divorce between the parents and he had a step dad who he didn't get on with. His family were always very secretive and always viewed me as the louder one but that was the way it was in our house as my dad was pretty deaf in one ear so the TV was always up louder and we talked louder.
Show him ways in which you can have fun as just a couple without having to involve his family or let him spend time with your family to.
See what his reaction is if you do decide to write your feelings down and let him digest that, if he over reacts and says things aren't going to work out then perhaps that is the way it is meant to be. If someone is unwilling to change and cannot see any faults in their own family or doesn't want to admit it then it is unlikely they will ever change.
It is either meant to be or not and having a battle over blame is not the way forward as that just ends up crushing feels and love in a relationship.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, Chelle.x +, writes (19 July 2009):
 I Understand how you must feel. Its a big deal meeting the parents for the first time. Maybe they are not making the effort because you are quite quiet at times or maybe they know that your not how they are so they don't know what to say because they don't know if you can relate to it ? You should try and get one of the family members to one side and explain that your sorry if you come across shy, you jus need to get to know them properly before you can come out of your shell. Or tell your boyfriend that you really do want to get to know his family but find it hard because they talk about things you don't really know about. Tell him that your really trying to get to know them and see if he can help you in anyway ? Let me know how it goes on x
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