A
female
age
30-35,
*licai
writes:I haven't been one to have many good realonships, over a year ago i had a break down last year over my ex which i had nearly died from as i was treated so badly by my ex but now i have moved on and in a realonship with another guy whos more mature 22 years old and a christain over the past few months have gone well its the best realonship i have had we have fun together we are complatable and well suited together and love each other,but i have noticed that his family are very reglious, more than my family is they take they reglion very personally and seroiusly that his dad dosen't like me as i don't go to church every week and that i have guy mates, my boyfriend dosen't like me having guy mates at all i don't think he trusts me to have any guy mates he would get angry if i was friends with any guys expecially if he saw me with one of them he wouldget very jeolous even if i wasn't doing anything with them.Though i am his first love who knows if its true love,he has had past realoonships that have cheated on him and treated him badly aswell though.Though that i go to his church and that i have done the dinners pray,my bf has notice that my parents haven't and that they don't go to church he said to me recently and in the past that thye will go to hell as they don't go to church and haven't said the sinners pray so they wont go to heaven is this true that they wud go to hell? as i though that if you was just a christain you would go to heaven anyway if you beilved in god but god desicdes who goes to heaven or hell.I don't want my parents to go to hellbut he said they will if they don't do this prayer but they have allready said they don't want to so what do i do? my mum thinks its out of order of him to say so and so do i i get upset about this too.I know he can be very pocessive and obessive over me and alot of over people can see taht too i don't get alot of space and he only likes to be with me not anyone else he would call me in the middle of the night,calls me when im at work sometimes.He is very commited and wants to purpose to me soon at christmas hes brought a ring and is taking me aborad over christams time which im not sure if it too early or not im only 18 years old i have been telled its to early for being purpose to,and also been telled that being to commiment at 18 years isn't right coz ur meant to be having fun at that age.My parents like him though but thinks hes a bit to much posccesive and clingy.They think i wud have problems if i stayed with my bf and they are not sure if he is the one for me though he is a very nice guy and you don't get many like him around he dosen't use me and he loves me unlike my ex's he is nothing like them.i don't not if this obessiveness will go away or get worse.He has allready said that he would kill himself if i didn't love him anymore i have said to him may times that i wasn't sure and he ended up going to beachy head i have allready been though that in my life already,i have learned the hard way and i have changed i have allso been very lucky to have survived.I know that if he did that it would be selfish and cowardy and just him trying to relive my past from last year.For all i know this cud be just attention seeking.People have said to me its emotional blackmail and that i should left him if he acts like this.My mum has said nobody can make anyone love them either.I have recently cheated on him as i have been stressed with him and upset he knows now about it and was upset but he is still with me.If you really love someone do you think you would cheat on them?This guy who i was cheating with said to leave dan and go out with him as he would treat me better but i am not sure if its just lust or not,He told me he slept with 80 ladies in his life and has only had one proper realonship with one of them,i don'tknow if thats a mna hore or what? he proberly dosen't know what love is but i can't just judge him on his past as he has cahnged now.He may of used me like he did with the others who knows but he wants a realonship with me,but that can't be helped as im with someone.My bf wants to get counciling to help him out i don't know if it will or not But what should i do? should i be with my bf? is that true that my parents would go to hell if they don't do this prayer? is what i have with my bf true love? and with the guy i cheated with worth it? please give me an answer many thanks
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female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (7 October 2009):
 Several things came to mind as I read your post:
People do not go to hell because they fail to go to church. It's what's in a person's heart that counts. It is whether or not you believe that God sent his only son to die for our sins and we have asked Him to come into our life. Once you've made that step, or committment of faith, you are considered to be a believer. But be careful, God knows what's really in your heart and your head and if you are just faking it to make the b/f and his family happy, you are playing a dangerous game.
God judges us by what's in our hearts, not always by our actions because we are all weak little humans, that frequently fall into temptations and messes throughout our life, but if we truly WANT to do good, and WANT to live a life that pleasing to God, that's what he looks for.
As for your parents going to hell, I seriously doubt they are, but you have to look at how they live to know the answer to that. Do they realy believe in God, and try to have a relationship with him; do they really try to "do the right thing" in life, when it comes to every day challenges?
One other thing you may need to consider before you bail on this relationship is this: Could it be possible,that God has put this young man in your path, because he is using him as a way to help you develop your OWN relationship with Christ? You said your last relationship was pretty rotten and you nearly died. Maybe God is throwing you a life-raft. If you chose to climb on, be sure you are doing it truly to seek God, and not just to make someone else happy.
If you choose to have a relationship with God, you will soon learn the difference between having a spiritual relationship, and just being "religious". Many who call him "Lord, lord" will not enter into heaven -- which means that all the church going in the world will not help you if your heart is still dark with greed, envy, strife, adultry and jealousy.
Christianity is always a work in progress. There are no perfect souls. But God always gives his children the gift of "discernment" (a nice way of saying you can tell bullshit when you see it - even among other Christians).
If you love this guy, it might be worth considering. Just do it sincerely or don't do it at all. There are some people that go overboard and become cult-ish. You have to be on your guard for sheep in wolves clothing.
Even if you don't end up marrying this guy, if you allow your mind to be open to the possibility that God exists and wants to have a more personal relationship with Him, this chapter may be a stepping stone to help you on your own journey through life, and what comes after.
I hope this helps you out. xoxox
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 Oh boy. Mixed religious belief relationships are hard. Generally because partners tend to get offended if they feel the other is not understanding enough or unsincere enough about their beliefs.
I can tell you that they do and can work though. I can tell you I have had only 3 boyfriends in my life and of them 2 were very into Christianity, where as I am an Atheist. My husband happens to be an Atheist as well, but I didn't know that until after a few months of dating. As for the relationships I had that were of a conflicting world views, our relationships were great and the ending of them were due to other reasons rather that our beliefs. Beliefs were generally held as belief the other person holds and you can either accept them or reject them. I had to accept that my partners thought I would go to hell, not because they hated me, but because thats what their beliefs were. As I don't believe in hell it really didn't bother me either. They also had to accept the fact that, in their belief, when I died they would not be rejoined with me.
I learnt to adjust to certain things as they also did to accomodate, but it did and does require alot of talking. You need to figure out compromises, like in all relationships, what you can do to adjust for him and what he can do to adjust for you. You dont need to change your belief as belief is a personal thing and any inner change should be based on something from within you and not just to conform to a partner. Dont let them make you feel bad or not as much a christian as they are just because you and your family dont serve your god the way you and your family do.
However that being said... I think you should get out of this relationship. You cheated on him. I think this is mainly due to the fact you are feeling cornered and suffocated by his behaviour, but even that is no real excuse for what you did. Let him go and let him find a girl who will not heat on him. He, like every other person, deserves to be with someone who will be faithful to them. I also dont think you should be with anyone, even the guy you cheated with, either for a while. It sounds like you have just climbed out of a bad relationship and you have just dumped yourself into a new one without first recovering from the last one and now possibly hopping into a new one. Give yourself time to breath! You really need to find yourself and learn to love yourself so that you don't fall prey to emotional blackmail and other abuses.
Hope this helps,
HonningKanin
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