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His family are pressurising him. How long do I give him to make the big decision?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 October 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 October 2007)
A female United States age 41-50, *ach2242 writes:

I am a 25 year old with a 5 year old son who has been dating a 19 year old guy for 3 months. He is by far the best boyfriend I have ever had and makes me really happy. I am in love with him and I know he is in love with me.

I have insecurity and trust issues from past relationships and he is so good with it...he wants to help me through them. The age difference doesn't bother either one of us. We don't care what people think. He is great w/ my son and my son adores him.

There are some problems though.

One: he can't get his license til he's 21 b/c before he got a license he was speeding, got pulled over and that was his punishment...not a big deal b/c he takes bus to work and goes to work everyday he is suppose to. I'm not driving him all over town.

Two: He is black and I'm white...again no big deal other than the glares we get especially when we have my son with.

Three: When his family found out his mom, dad and all but one brother (there are 4 brothers) disagree. He isn't worried too much about his dad since he hasn't been there and his brothers would eventually come around he thinks but his mom told him if he continued to see me he would get kicked out and she wouldn't talk to him again.

I don't know how serious she is but he says when she thinks she is right that is it. He doesn't know what to do and we broke up over it. I love him and I believe he truly loves me and my son. He wants me in his life but says right now we can't be together but it's not what he wants. I know he is worried to lose his family and I would feel bad if that happened so how much can I push him to choose and how long do I give him to make decision? I don't think I can just walk away from this but I'm so worried if I invest more time he is going to walk away cause of his family!

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A female reader, tinkerbell29 United Kingdom +, writes (14 October 2007):

tinkerbell29 agony aunthi hun,

I can fully understand how u feel, i too am white and in a interracial relationship. I am 29 with three children and my partner of six months is a 23 year old black african.Our relationship is perfect apart from the fact that his parents(who still live in Africa ) do not at all approve of our relationship.I would love them to give us their blessing as we are planning to get married soon, however they pressure him constantly to end the relationship. We are still planning our lives together and although he really respects his parents he will not give me up because of them and their opinions of me and my life. My advice to you is to explain to your partner how much you love him and want to be with him,just let him know that you will support him, however he has to also support you and honour your feelings. Please don't resort to making him choose between you and his family, he may just resent you for it.I hope you find a solution to this and find a way to be together with or without his family's blessing. take care and good luck x

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A female reader, Rach2242 United States +, writes (12 October 2007):

Rach2242 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the feedback. There is one more thing I would like to mention. I have major insecurity issues. For example...I'm sure you have all heard of the website Myspace. Well he posted comment on one of his girl friends pics and it said something like "pretty....sure I think ur hot ;)" and another one that said "oh damn". It REALLY made me mad...am I reading way too much into this?

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A female reader, XAlisonX United Kingdom +, writes (11 October 2007):

XAlisonX agony auntyou should take it slow with him, try visiting his mum and talking to her, let her know how much you love and care for her son. Ask him to do the same, explain to his mum that he really loves you and wants to be with you. if this fails, talk to him, telln him you can't wait forever but you don't want to lose him or rush him into making the wrong desicion. It will be hard on him whatever he chooses to do as either way he will lose something atleast for a while. His mum is being unfair in my opinion to make him chose but maybe she is scared of losing him or that he will get hurt. it may just be that she can't except the fact that her son is growing up so quickly. good look and i hope this helps you. xxxx

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A female reader, SarahD United States +, writes (11 October 2007):

SarahD agony auntdont walk away continue to talk to him see wat happens most all mothers dont like there son/daughters to have someone in there life they want the mate to be the best and perfect. dont walk away from him give him some time and see wat he wants

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