| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Please help me, I am 22 years old and am seeing a man that is 8 years my senior. He has four kids and an ex that just wont leave us alone. I have to put up with her constant threats and this is really getting me down.But most of all whats really troubling me is my relationship with my partner. He has a very bad temper and loses the rag at the smallest things. Last night I just wanted to sit down and talk to him (ive been suffering from nightmares and was looking for a bit of comfort), i was strugggling telling him about this and ended up crying. Then he just up and walked away. So i accused him of not listening to me and never giving me the comfort i need. You see whenever i cry (and i cry a lot im very sensitive) he just tells me to shut up and leaves me to cry.Last night I explained to him that i was just angry because i thought he wasnt listening and because of that he went in an awful mood and wouldnt come to bed!I try so hard to make him happy, all i wanted was a bit of comfort from my man. am i in the wrong? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, im overwhelmed by the response i have got. thank you for all your kind words, I appreciate it so much. Thank you all for opening my eyes. Thank you.
A
female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Furthermore in response to your previous message - of COURSE you are not being a "bitch"!!
It is only natural that you would need comfort and support when you are feeling down - this is the very reason we want to share our lives with someone! - I was married for too many years to a man who left me to cry on my own, turning his back on me just because he was too weak to offer a shoulder...what's the use of one hand clapping, after all...it is meant to be a partnership. Keep strong, and take care, chick.
...............................
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 Hi Anon,
I agree with everyone else. You don't deserve to be with someone like that. He's lucky that you have put up with him as long as you have.
It's not healthy for someone so sensitive to be with someone who is so angry all the time. And on top of that to have a woman threatening you? That's just plain ridiculous - what's wrong with this guy? Why would he let his ex do that to you and then stomp all over you when you need him the most?
It's time to leave. If you live with him then maybe you can stay with friends or family until you can get a place of your own. You shouldn't have to put up with that torture one more second.
Take care.
...............................
A
male
reader, Herr Professor +, writes (14 September 2006):
 No, honey, you're not in the wrong. The guy sounds like an insensitive prat. This is probably one major reason why his marriage failed. I won't even get into all that.
I would like to point out that when you accept him into your life, the four kids and the ex-wife are also part of the package, and they will be in your life FOREVER. They don't vanish just because he's with you now.
Do you really want to put up with four kids AND an ex-wife at 22, when all you're getting in return is a toerag who won't give you any emotional support and walks away when you need him the most? If the answer to any of those questions is "no", then in the immortal words of Donna Summer: "Pack his raincoat and show him out, look him in the eyes and simply shout... enough is enough!"
...............................
A
female
reader, jessi +, writes (14 September 2006):
personally i think you should leave him he is the man in this relationship and should be comforting and listening to you when you cry which im sure you would do the same for him. there is just no love in this relationship at all. i even think he could be hidding something or also has some troubles of his own to deal with considerring he cant bear to see you cry. get out of the relationship soon as. He has 4 kids and a girlfriend who is very sensitive who needs alot of attention he obviously cannot handle it you will eventually meet someone who loves and honours you as mch as you do them. But not while your stuck in this pointless relationship. be strong and leave. You really dont need the excess baggage and stress of his ex girlfriend he obviously has issues id never let any one treat my boyfriend like that if i had one and he shouldnt let her treat you like that your worth much more.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell thank you to both responses, i really appreciate your kind words. you have both been very helpful to me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 I think that the true answer would be to leave him. I know it will probably be hard but honestly it may be the best thing. You are only twenty two and this man has four kids, are you prepared to take this on? You should be out there having fun. Also he doesnt seem caring enough, he leaves you to cry on your own, what sort of man does that? Only the ones that truly dont care! You are a very sensitive girl and you need a nice caring man in your life someone that you can open up to, and who will be there for you through your ups and downs. I suggest you sit him down and use the possesive ex situation as an excuse to get out of that relationship. Honestly, you have to do it, you cannot carry on in a relationship where there is no love. Good luck hunny
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for that snowbird, ive had a few friends say similar things but i thought it was just me being a bitch...ty for your kind words
...............................
A
female
reader, snowbird +, writes (14 September 2006):
All this is clearly too much for you.
YOU in the wrong??? - I don't think so!!
Do yourself a favour and dump him - he sounds far too insensitive for any woman, let alone someone as sensitive as you! With all the crap you are getting from his ex, aif anything he should be trying to make YOU happy!
You are banging your head against the wall with this one, I'm afraid, and he will only become more abusive as time wears on.
Find a man who cares about your feelings. It is not your remit to make HIM happy - you should be working at making each OTHER happy! You deserve happiness, and you will find it - but not with this beast of a man. Cut your losses and move on, before any children are born into this, only to suffer the same neglect at his hands.
Or get him some counselling for anger management.
I wish you well.
...............................
|
