A
female
age
51-59,
*ebr2sj
writes:Need advice. I'll try to keep this as simple as I can, but it is complicated. I'm separated for over a year and a half. I have been dating a man for the past 13 months who has been separated for the past 7 months. Yes, that means he was married when I started dating him..he lied and said he was divorced, I believed him, fell in love with him, but had suspicions and eventually figured it out and he said he wanted to tell me when he realized he really liked me, but knew I would not continue to see him. Anyway, that created an obvious trust issue which is part of the problem. He moved out and left his wife because he was very unhappy. They have a 10 yr old daughter together and he says he got married to try and have a family for his daughter,but things were never great with the mother before and got worse after they married. He and I were not together when he left, I wasnt sure I could be w/ him at that point. I do not feel he left her for me; there was no promise of that. Anyway, she still has not told anyone they are separated. He went along with this in the beginning because he was afraid she wouldn't let him see their daughter. He claims he is not supporting her in this anymore, but yet her father who lives 5 miles away still doesn't know . He claims he told his parents who live several states away, but this only happened in September. I feel this is very strange and whille she may not be ready to let go I find it very disrespectful of him to allow this. He feels it's her place to tell her family and friends and he has no control over this. I know he also has not told some of his other friends with whom they are both in contact with because he says it hasnt come up and he really doesn't see them/talk to them much. What do you think? Do I force the issue? Leave the relationship until things are out in the open? He says he loves me very much and things are over with the wife. I want to try and be supportive and understanding, but I'm having a real difficult time with the situation.
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divorce, fell in love, moved out, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Well your married man is a piece of work isn't he? He lied, he cheated, you cannot trust anything that comes out of his mouth And YOU think his wife is the problem. Hun, don't be angry with his wife, your enemy is her hb, the man in your bed!!!! Wake up and smell the brown stuff he is circulating around you. Stories like this cease to amaze me. LoveGirl
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 November 2010):
More than anything, that's what needs to be sorted out. Her not telling her own family is her problem. But your boyfriend needs to be sorting this out. you don't want to find out that he was kicked out and is hoping to go back to her or something. He needs to be sorting this divorce out.
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A
female
reader, debr2sj +, writes (1 November 2010):
debr2sj is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have retained an attorney, we have split our money, have a support agreement in place and visitation we worked out on our own. I have not filed because I have the health coverage for him and was giving him time to get things together. I will be filing in the next few months. My bf has not retained an atty, therefore has not filed. I asked about his plans, he says he feels bad filing since he is the one that left and prefer she do it. I have not pushed this because I myself and not divorced either.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 November 2010):
It's not his job to tell her family. It's her job. It's just his job to get the papers signed and to divorce her. Don't look to force him into something that he has nothing to do with. It is not his job to tell her parents or her friends. It's her job. All he needs to do is not support her when she does this, look after his daughter when she's with him and finalize the divorce. This has nothing to do with disrespect. Can you imagine how it good it will look for her if someone finds out that you bossed her husband into telling her own parents. You'll look like you've got serious jealously problems or something.
They're her parents. Let het deal with them. All you need to do is sort out your own divorce.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Why haven't you gotten your divorce finalized by now? When is his divorce going to be finalized or hasn't he filed yet?
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