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female
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*esnJanelle05
writes: The guy that I lost my virginity to a year ago left me around 4 months after that. He started dating this girl "Kelly" she told him she was pregnant, and 5 months later she ended up being 3 months pregnant. Then she left him and wanted nothing to do with him and she said that he couldn't even see the baby and all this sh-- and we aren't even sure it's his.Well we started hanging out again and than it turned into a unoffical dating thing and than he asked me out and last Saturday he told me that he loved me and how much he cared for me and all that great stuff. He says that I treat him better than anyone ever did.Well last night Kelly called him and was being extremely nice about everything and told him that she missed him and all this bullsh-- and I have this feeling that she's doing it just because she found out me and him are together again.She wants to go baby shopping with him Saturday and indirectly says that she wants to be with him again. He says he's really comfused and doesn't know what he should do and doesn't even know if he wants me spending the night with him tommorrow night, like we planned for over a week. What the hell should I do? I love him so much I have ever since we kissed for the first time over a year ago. I don't want to lose him. I can't lose him, but I'm scared if I dont, leave he'll leave and that will hurt so much more. Please help me.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (1 September 2005):
You are scared your heart will be broken. This is a dangerous situation. This guy needs plenty of time and space to sort his head out and you need to get yourself as far away as possible unless you want to keep getting hurt. He sounds nice and you love him but you will have to let him go to see what he wants to do. Give him the space and if you ever do get back with him he will appreciate you for it. And if you don't get back together than you can appreciate yourself for it.
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (26 August 2005):
 First and foremost in this whole thing....is that we find out if your bf is the dad of the baby! That is the first thing we do. If he is not...she is a liar and I am sure he would not want to have anything to do with her because basically she played him for a fool...If he is...you have to know what you want for yourself, cause she is going to be in your life for a long time once you are with this guy. And she will use the fact that they have a baby together to frustrate you alot. Are you sure you want to deal with this...or you rather find someone who knows what they are about and don't throw the penis willy nilly all over the place? Paternity test first...then see what you can deal with. Most of all respect yourself and take care of you. Not because you love someone, that you have to love them regardless if they are taking you on a roller coaster ride to insanity...that is just wrong.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 August 2005):
 You're not going to like this advice, so I'll say I'm sorry in advance, but I think this is a situation you should walk away from.
Let's rehash the highlights of this story:
1. Your boyfriend, to whom you gave your virginity, dumped you a few months later.
2. He dated and slept with another girl, who became pregnant just months after your boyfriend left you.
3. We have no idea if your boyfriend is the father of the baby, or if Kelly is pregnant from someone else.
4. He came back to you, but wasn't mature enough to actually ask you out. It just sort of became the default setting that you "hung out".
5. He might be a father to a child with Kelly, and if that's true, you're going to see Kelly and the baby a lot over the next 15-20 years.
Are you ready for this mess? Are you really serious that you love a guy who dumped you, might be a dad to someone's baby, then isn't even man enough to ask you to date him again?
Personally, this sounds a lot to me like the three of you are very, very young, perhaps still in your teens, and certainly not ready for the long-term responsibility of child rearing. Now, your boyfriend may not get to walk away from the situation he created, but you can, and I think you should. Soon!
Your boyfriend sounds terribly immature, and he can't decide between the "easy" thing to do (which is to ignore everything else and keep dating you), or the "right" thing, (which is to get a paternity test).
If I were you, I would want to be right out of the picture until the paternity of the baby is known. If it's your boyfriend's, then you're going to see an awful lot of that child, and you're going to be the baby's de facto stepmother, whenever your boyfriend has custody.
You need to remember that the child didn't ask to be conceived, so you need to be big enough to give that child love and affection, even if it's not yours.
You also need to consider that your boyfriend may want to give things a go with Kelly and the baby, if it's his.
Right now, what you should be doing is encouraging your boyfriend to find out whether he's the dad, so you at least have someplace to start. If he's not the child's father, then Kelly isn't any threat to you. But if he is, you need to search your heart and decide if you're emotionally prepared for being at least a part-time mum to your boyfriend's child.
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