A
female
age
36-40,
*upcake
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now. A month before we started dating he had broken up with a girl he dated for 8 months. He had constantly told me what a horrible relationship they had and how she was mean to his daughter. At the beginning of our relationship she would call all the time and he would tell her not to. Finally he had to change his number. She then went on his email and changed his passwords and started emailing me saying he was cheating on me, which I clearly didn't believe since I seen how crazy she was and wanted him back... Recently he told me she called him and got back because she heard we are buying a house together... I emailed her asking her not to contact my boyfriend and at that point she had told me they had been talking and sleeping together. I didn't believe it, so I called rogers phone company and they told me her number had been called about 5 times a month for the past 4 months... Now he had lied and told me they weren't talking. I confronted him about the calls and he started to cry, telling me he so badly wanted to tell me they were talking but was afraid I would leave him. I asked him why they were talking and he said she called him and he felt bad for her so he told her they could speak as long as she didn't bring up her and him getting back together.... he told me she started to tell him she missed him and he had put a stop to them talking and told her not to call again. He said it was a few weeks later when she called yelling about how we were going to buy a house, and the reason he told me about it is because he knew how mad she was and that he knew she would try spreading lies to break us up... for example she said she was sleeping with him. Though he did admit to speaking with her he swears he did not once ever see her.Now my boyfriend goes to work for 7 and comes home at 3 he's with me all night since we live together. He promised me he would never speak with her again and he even cancelled his phone and came to my phone company on a couples plan and chose to get detailed billing so I could see all of the calls he makes so I can trust him again. I just feel so hurt that he felt he had to lie to me about it, and I can't help but wonder if he did cheat on me... I really can't see him doing that but I can't help but wonder... She also claimed that she was with him the night before Valentines day, when I told her I was with him she said "I know I was waiting at his house for him to get home from yours" she also knew what we had watched on tv and knew the colour of our bed sheets and bed frame... now he has a daughter who lives with him and hates this ex, plus he has roomates, so i cant see him having her over... she is friends with some of his old friends but it just bothers me that she knows this information. I asked him if perhaps it came up in a conversation and he said "I was not talking to her in Feburary, and even still i would not tell her the colour of our bed sheets and bed frame" which appeared to be true since Rogers Wireless told me her number had not been called from December to April. We have also recently bought a brand new car together and are now buying a house together.. he has put me on as a joint account with his own account (which has alot of money in it), as well he talks about marriage and having a family with me.. So i cant see him cheating on me then going out to buy a house with me and giving me full access to his money... what do you think??? Do you think it seems like he cheated??? Do you think he will actually stop talking to her ???? I just really hope he did not ever see her and that he is telling the truth and it was nothing more then a few phone calls.Please help... I need piece of mind!
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female
reader, Cupcake +, writes (21 August 2007):
Cupcake is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you both for your answers.. and no she is not the mother of his child.. he does not have contact with his daughters mom as she has not chosen to be a part of their childs life... He has assured me he will not speak to her anymore as he said "it was stupid of me to talk to her in the first place, I dont know why I felt bad for her but I did.. now that she has tried to ruien our relationship, talking to her was not worth it at all".. he has changed his number and promises he will have no contact with her again. I want to trust him again, I love him very much and Im willing to put this behind me and move on.. I will admit it hurts alot that he lied... but I have to have faith and trust he wont do it again if I want this to work. He seems sincere, i just have a fear of being hurt.. I have been hurt to many times before.
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (21 August 2007):
 I think you must make your mind up whether you will trust him or not and then stick to that. If you decide to trust him, then do it all the way. Don't check with phone service all the time and don't have detailed bills just for you to be able to check upon him. Then every time the bill arrives you will automatically think of him cheating. It will be very mind messing for you. Also he will be in a very controlled position which is not good for a relationship.Tell him you need him to deal with his ex and then trust him that he does that in the best possible way he can. If he doesn't have to fear your reactions on him dealing with her he might get more open to talk to you about it and you will understand and know more about what is really going on. Also you shouldn't take contact with his ex on your own. It is his job, not yours.Wish you luck and hope everything will work out happily for you two.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2007): Hi sweetpeaI am not sure if your boyfriend "cheated" in the way she is implying, however he did admit talking in secret, but it is possible he knew that you would not be happy about this and didn't handle her in the best way possible. She is certainly making trouble between you and he in this relationship and he needs to see that. Her information may have been something she found out in other ways however it is something to tuck away in your memory banks. You are very young to be taking on all of these changes so quickly in your relationship and if he has a child as well you need to be sure before you invest yourself totally at this stage taking into account your concerns. How mature is he, he has a child, a past - short relationship - with a crazy lady, or is she the childs mother? That was unclear.Ignore her and keep a quiet eye on him, just be careful and only react on facts. She sounds like she is still emotionally involved with him and it is his responsibility to put that right and let you know what is going on. They have no need to contact each other at all unless she is his childs mother. Take care and be strong it might be nothing. Just make sure it is your money you two are spending and not yours!
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