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female
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anonymous
writes: I have an on again, off again relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years. When I was always sick, he took care of me and my children. He would give and do anything for us. Unfortunately, he drinks and today he got angry because I found all these beer cans downstairs. I want to break it off with him because I am so stressed out but I'm afraid of what he'll do. He said that he can really mean and will take back everything he has given to me and my children (I am not working due to illness right now) and that will leave us in dire straits. Please help, how do you break up with an alcoholic so there is no explosiveness?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2005): My heart goes out to you, hun and as hard as it is to do, you must leave this man.. for the safety & well being of you and your children. While it's important to be giving and nice in relationships, it is foolish to be giving when most of the time, the giving you offer is constantly abused, disrepected, unappreciated and not reciprocated.
Dear, when you tolerate this foolishness, you are hiding from reality, from life and from your own courageous self. (it's inside you-I know it) You are obviously fearful of this man and the badness he's directs at you and you feel powerless at confronting the thought of leaving him, because you need him to look after yourself and the kids.
As tough as it is, you have to face the discomfort of finding another way to be self-sufficient and support you and the kids, so you can live a peaceful existence. There is no other way. You have innocent people (your children) depending on you to be strong and to 'right a wrong'. I would suggest you start planning your departure from this man. Make sure you enlist the aid of people who can help you. Not sure where you live, but here in North America you can contact Family Crisis gov't agencies who have counselors on hand to give you the support and help you need, to get on your feet and help yourself. Even though you are ill, they will help..they will give you the resources you need to escape from the life, you are in right now. Please think of doing this. Pick up that phone and call. Do it for YOU- Do it for your kids...they deserve some semblance of peace and security in their lives. Take care, dear and please-be strong
Hugs,
Irish
A
female
reader, FlowerFaerie +, writes (21 October 2005):
I'm sorry, but you absolutely must leave this man. If he cared about you enough you wouldn't have such an up/down relationship, and he certainly wouldn't be putting you though this alcohol problem. It may be daunting to have to be on your own-but it is never really the case. If you ask your friends and family to help, they will. If you want to avoid an 'explosive' situation then simply leave, and do your best to explain to him later. If you need to, please seek out a shelter. You must protect your children, as it will affect them just as much, if not more so, than it will affect you.I had an alcoholic boyfriend who i was terrified of leaving for various reasons, but in the end i told him he couldnt drag me down with him, and he needed to sort himself out before i had any more to do with him. You should not allow him to threaten/guilt you, or it will turn into an ever decreasing circle of which he is in control, that i fear will further worsen your physical, emotional, and spiritual health.Have courage, i know you can do it. xSx
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reader, pops +, writes (20 October 2005):
YOu can't have your cake and eat it too, dear. Get away from him. If you were to talk to the people at Al Anon, the partners organization to AA, they will tell you that being nice to a drunk is usually the last thing they need from the people they love. Its next to impossible for a close relative or spouse or girlfriend to help a drunk go sober. You can find some other way to support your children, and yourself. Don't stay with this man.
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