A
female
age
41-50,
*Butters
writes:My Husband of 6 years has been having sexual dreams almost every night,Of course he has a full errection.Several times I have heard him say sexual things out loud while in his sex dream.What really upset me is that he has even called out a females name which happens to be a co worker(a couple of years back he actually mentioned he would have liked to have sex with her,but later said he regretted saying that and apologized that he made a big mistake) He says that he doesnt remember the dreams right away,but obviously I'm not in it.Our sexual life I would say is Good,I never reject him when he wants to have sex.Its getting to the point where I cant sleep because I hear him talking at night,I just recently found out that another co worker has caught his attention.But I know that he is not being unfaithful.I feel that he just has a problem that he can control,but refuses to control it. So it bothers to think that he may be dreaming all the time about the second co worker.He admitts that he goes to sleep thinking about sex often Please Help!!!! This has caused alot of tears and arguing and I am afraid that it will get worse.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 How on earth can he control what he dreams about? Can you? Nobody can. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but honestly, nobody can control their dreams.
His mind is obviously sorting over concerns and feelings, though, which is what is upsetting you. But he isn't being unfaithful to you, and he obviously feels very bad about it and has tried to comfort and reassure you as much as he can.
What I would do is pretty simple, but I don't know if it will be what you want to do. The next time he wakes you up dreaming, talking, with an erection, I would ignore whatever women's names he is saying, kiss him and have sex with him, and turn his dream into an encounter with you. He'll half wake up as well (if not totally) and this way you are asserting yourself and becoming the main focus. That is honestly what I would do. And anyhow I wouldn't be able to lie next to my partner in the night with him having an erection and not do anything with it! But that's just me : ) Worth a try, though. If not, you need to go and get him some professional help, I think.
A
female
reader, BButters +, writes (29 March 2008):
BButters is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your advice.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (20 March 2008):
 you cannot control his dreams and to expect him to is unreasonable. sleep apart from each other if this keeps happening and dont pander to his whims as much.
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A
female
reader, michellesays +, writes (20 March 2008):
we cant always control what we dream about and to look on the bright side you say that he is not being unfaithful to you. prehapes you should ask him if he is doing something different with these women in these dreams than he is doing with you in the bedroom it maybe that he is wanting to try something different and is dreaming of it rather than acting it out with yourself. maybe he might shock you and suggest something you may both enjoy worth talking about it and this may even stop the dreaming and you'll get a peacefull nights sleep plus a boost in the bedrom department
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 You can't control your dreams. Some researchers claim that dreaming is a way to cope with events that happened during the day. The reason why we dream is not yet fully understood.
What is understood is the nightmare (bad pun) of thought crimes.
A murderer should be punished, this is clear, but equally clear is that merely THINKING of murdering someone should not even be known to other or we will all end up on the chair.
You have been given telepathy as it were but NOT of your husband concious thoughts but his subconcious.
Some theories suggest that by dreaming our mind can deal with things that cannot be done in our concious.
Might the case not simply be that your husband is attracted to other women, conciously rejects acting up on this because he loves you and his mind just deals with this by having it occur in his mind where it is safe.
If he called out there name during sex with you, then it would mean he is thinking about it, but according to modern theories on dreaming the very fact that he has this in his dreams means he does NOT want to think about it.
Do not hate your man because he is physically attracted to other women and deals with this in his dreams.
You went beyond thought crimes, you invented dream crimes. Orson Wells called, he wants to talk about a sequel to 1984.
You should be more worried about your husbands health. Sleep talking happens a lot in kids (learned this in camp, damn scary stuff if you don't know what is happening especially if you seen the exorcist a few weeks before).
It indicates he is not getting proper rest. Sleep is very important.
Unless the sleep talking can be cured, you just have to life with it because he can't control his dreams. And lets be honest, if your dreams could be recorded and played back, would you want your partner to see them? Most people don't even remember their own dreams, so you better be damned sure you do not kill your husband in your dreams to deal with your anger over his dreams or you will be in dream jail for a dream crime.
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