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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Ok I have a problem. Me and my boyfrien have been dating for 10 months now. I'm 20 and he's 25. He was a man whore before we hooked up. He must have slept with over 100 women(which I knew about before we hooked up). I've always been in relationships. In the beginning of our reliationship we had sex all the time, about 3-5 times a day. That's when we both didn't have jobs and we just drank all day long. Now we are both working full time, have moved into our own apartment, after living in his moms house for 8 months. The problem is that I am not as interested in sex as i used to be. We both don't have the tight bodies that we used to have, and we are not as lovey as we used to be. He wants sex all the time. I will wake up every morning to him stroking his penis, waiting for me to wake up and have sex with him. But that takes all the excitement and enjoyment out of it. I'll tell him that I don't want to, and he'll start to get angry at me, so I will tell him to just get it over with so we don't have to fight. We used to go out and have fun and party all the time but he was in trouble with the law in the past, so we are both serving out his 8 months house arrest sentance. He is 25 and done with partying, but I'm only 20 and sometimes it feels as if I'm watching my youth pass in front of my eyes. We just stay home and do nothing all the time, while all of my friends are out having a good time. I can't even think about going out with them because I know that he'll be there by himself listening to sad music or something. So I never go out. Fine. The main problem is our sex life. The second we will sit down to watch tv or a movie, he takes down his pants and starts touching himself while giving me this look as if "hello? I have a penis here for you, what are you waiting for?" When i say something like " No I don't feel like it, let's just watch the movie" He'll get so upset and whine and complain, and get angry about it. He'll put his hands down my pants and try to start rubbing me, and I'll say no and get off, but he'll continue trying to get me to open my legs. Finally after regecting the idea a couple of times, he'll get so angry and say things like "you know, all you have to do is just open your fu**ing legs and let me have sex with you" then when i say no he'll say stuff like "thanks, thanks for ruining the whole night, way to go" and storm off into the other room and slam the door. Leaving me there feeling guilty about not wanting to be penetrated at that certain time.I love him so much but our sex life is ruining this relationship, he never gives ME the chance to want sex. The way that he goes about it all the time is just such a turn off to me. And when I try to talk to him about the fact that he's not going about it correctly, he "doesn't want to hear it" and "don't talk to me" What do I do!!!
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female
reader, Lytoo +, writes (13 December 2006):
It seems to me that you might be rejecting him too much or too untactful. To be honest...I would get very turned on if my husband started touching himself and even more if he would ask me to just open my ****ing legs but I guess every woman has her likes.
Be careful with rejecting too much though, he won't be waiting there for you forever you know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006): I agree with the other aunts, get rid!!! He is treating you like a sex object. No you shouldn't have to put up with this. You are only 20! and already you are noticing your youth pass by. He doesn't want or can't do these things - what is stopping you. He sits like a spoilt kid and plays sad music - TOUGH!!! Please for your own sake get rid of this selfish, childish pig.
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (12 December 2006):
 This sounds like a bad situation for you. This guy needs to mature and probably more important, work on some personal issues. Sex 3to 5 times a day is extreme. That is probably not even in the range of normal. I don't care what anyone says. At least it's not a realistic number to try and maintain. It's like your favourite food...if you eat 5 pounds of it everyday, after a while it's not so special anymore. If you want it twice a week and he wants it three times a week, that's something you could probably find in your heart to manage but this is way of the charts.
Ask yourself...Why do I love this guy?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2006): You love him? Are you saying you love a man who treats you like someone who is there to itch to simply accomodate his needs. Let me just say, this is not love on his part. If he says he loves you, he doesn't have an inkling of what a true, lasting love is. Love is trust, awe, admiration and mutual respect for each other, in every aspect of the relationship. And why would you feel guilty for getting him angry. Don't be so removed from the reality of your feelings that you are unwilling to face the truth about his behaviours. We know he's got a problem and his promiscuous past history, and his lack of respect for sex in general. These are two very big indicators that he treats sex like he's entitled. That also is the sign of a very self-centered, emotionally immature man. Ask yourself...do you need this, dear? Be strong hun and start seriously reassessing what you have here. Don't be willing to tolerate his poor behaviour out of your need to desperately attach to him. I hope you can make the best decision for your own happiness, as well. I think you might do yourself a great service by seeting some tough boundries with this guy or kicking his butt to the curb. Doing that will save you a lot of future headaches. Good luck and please take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2006): Im sorry luv but your mans a pig! Sex should never feel like a chore it should be special. As to you feeling like your missing out on things i would say you are you need to be with your friends. just imagine after a few years your friends may drift away and all u have left is ur man which somepeople may like but did u commit a crime why do you have to stay in and not enjoy urself. Get out there girl live your life. 100 Women he slept with from rading your letter i thing ur bf just uses women for sex he has no respect for any women and none for you. Hope you were careful when u had sex and that he hasnt passed any sexual infection to you. If you havent been tested i would advise doing so. Dump this loser coz mister right is out there waiting for you good luck.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (11 December 2006):
 DUMP HIM! He has no respect for you or your feelings/needs. He has a serious sex problem in that his behaviour is not 'normal'. There's nothing worng with feeling horny all the time, but the constant touching, forcing himself on you, his language/terminology and previous history point towards the possibility of him being a sex addict. He doesn't sound approachable about the subject. You having to be subjected to this is very unfair and selfish. As you say, it's making your sex life worse and if he can't see that his pandering is pushing you even further away then he's truly blinkered and has troubles. If he doesn't want to hear it, write it in a letter and maybe do have that night out and let him read it thern. Or move out for a while. he doesn't sound like the right man for you. You may love him but maybe you're just not sexually compatible? His demands are way too high.
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