A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:what should my bf do about his pregnant daughter? she has a child and a husband but apparently her husband does not meet her emotional needs so she tries to get these met by her father. she is very lonely and has something definitly missing from her life.My bf admits that she needs counseling but she refuses this because her husband does not belive in it. i really am concerned about her because i once had a husband that did not meet my emotional needs either. She does not want me in her fathers life because i take up some of his time and she always wants him to come to her house or either eat with her for dinner. her husband eats out with the guys that he works with so sometimes he is not very hungry for dinner. what do you guys think about this???? thanks!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): I do admit as a parent of two adult children..it would be incredibly tough for me to simply stand by and ignore my daughter if she was pregnant and floundering in a marriage to a boorish son in law. Watching her suffer emotionally, would be not sit well with me. I would do all I can to help her. However, there are 2 sides to this daughter's behaviors. She is emotionally needy due to her husband's neglect and being pregnant hasn't helped, either. But I am also seeing a young woman who is being quite manipulative with her father. Especially if she's resenting you for being in her father's life. Your bf should be letting her know, that he's there for her, but..he cares for you, as well and she has to respect that. As mentioned in the below posting, you could let her know you are there to help her too and see how she responds to that. As for going to her house to eat dinner with her, it is her husband's job to be there having dinner with her, not your bf's. By the way, where is this woman's Mother? Is she on the scene? Perhaps, your bf can have this girl's Mother pick up some of the slack, in helping her through this tough time. I agree with Frank, your bf should be having a big man to man talk with this son in law and get him on the right track to being a better husband and taking responsibility for his pregnant wife.
It's a tough spot to be in. I wish you strength and patience through this.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 You are only his gf, and she is his family. Until you become family, you will always be second behind her.
She is pregnant, and her husband is a loser, so it falls onto her father to step up. Unfortuneately, your bf does not seem to have the balls to have a talk to his soninlaw about her needs.
I think you need to stay out of it, and start to distence yourself. There are too many other people out there to inherit this many issues. You do not mention your age. See if you can find someone that will put you first.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): I think his daughter is being really unfair, sorry but i think she needs to do some growing up. She should not expect her father to be their for her emotional needs. She should talk to her husband. Your relationship will suffer in time if this continues and i do feel sorry for you. Why cant she go and see a counsellor without her husband knowing. Her dad is not on this earth just for her, she needs to realise that he has a future and you are his partner. Have a chat with your bloke and tell him how you feel. If it is possible have a chat with her and see if she would be willing for you to come with her to the counselling. just an idea, but it might relieve the pressure from her dad. But honestly i think she needs to get her own help and stop leaning on her dad and ruining your relationship any further, but that is my opinion.
take care and i hope it all works out for you two.
xx
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A
female
reader, lily lousia  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 Hi there
It sound to me like your boyfiends son in law is quite selfish in the way he conduct his life. He has his life and leaves her to get on with hers.
Would it not be possible for your boyfriend as a concerned father to have a chat with this man?
Or as a concerned partner maybe you could talk to her.
My partner has a daughter who had problems and has recented me for being in her fathers life, but I took the time to let her know that I wasnt a threat to her, I didnt intend to replace her mother(who has died) but I would be there for her if she ever needed a friend.
My partner was against her getting help, as he is a very private person and believes she should be the same.
I explained to him that I was worried about her advising him that she really did need help to move on. Very reluctantly after a few days he agreed. I organised it all for her and the councelling has brought positive changes in her life. And we now have a very good relationship, and she no longer has an issue with her father and I.
You have nothing to lose why not give it a try.
good luck
lily
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