A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey Guys,I have a bit of a situation , not sure what to do.There was a guy I was hooking up with just over a year ago , started to fall in love with him - we didn't go anywhere but seem to be growing closer and closer and calls me his best mate nowadays. He recently met a girl and started dating her , they live miles apart but things aren't going great by the looks of it. He came to see me a few weeks ago , ended up staying at mine and cuddling up all night in our underwear , nothing more , but i felt something was amiss then. Recently he's poured his heart out to me regarding her. Theyve only been seeing each other a few months and seems to me she is trying to change everything about him and control him. He explained to me he isn't allowed to mention her on updates on social networking sites - even with no mention of her name , not allowed to tag being in a relationship , she talks down to him , shes making him quit smoking because she doesn't like it , but then her talking down cause him to smoke more , she doesn't like him working away , so tries to take closer paid jobs - which dont pay well , but then if he's having financial difficulty she threatens to leave him - They don't even live together!!!! It seems very co-dependant to me , he explained he doesn't know the person he's turning into ... I gave him my advice and being in these sort of relationships in the past and how unhealthy it is ,. I think it took him a couple of days to digest , but he did come back 2 days later hinting that things were no better and how stressed with it he was. Thing is he hardly even texts me back anymore either and its like he gets in touch when he can :( I feel like i'm losing him and love him to death .. What do I do about this situation? He wants to come out with me and my friends end of the month and told me to let him know when , he'll be staying at mine. Do i stand in the background on this one and wait for him to come to me and just support him? I love him a lot and there's so much attraction between us xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionand this is why it's so tough quiet echoe Lol , oh i dunno , I can't wait forever can i , maybe a little longer but it's becoming a joke now , i'll see how things go upto the new year :) x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes thats true quiet echo , I never thought of it that way. Well i have alot of interest in me and find myself making excuses regarding dating , i almost always think about him when i consider it , but i really need to start putting myself first , only thing is i go 5 steps forward and ten steps back when we're in touch, because one minute he's wanting me as a friend and to do things with me , then the next I rarely hear from him. then when i do hear from him I go back to square one , it's horrible , but i really do care about him , thats what sucks , it's almost like i'm a substitute gf at times , maybe i need to take that step and see what happens then , if it is meant to be he will fight that bit harder , if he doesn't then he wasn't worth it xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks for all your advice , Wow many mixed opinions lol , i do feel like he likes and trusts me but obviously not enough , and he knows i'm putting my life on hold for him i'm sure of it , which also makes me wonder if i am a fall back for him , and at the same time it gives me hope , which is why i'm so confused with it all , i guess i'll just have to take each day as it comes and see what happens next xx
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reader, ljhenhmla  +, writes (15 November 2010):
i think the best thing to do is "Run" he is telling you all these bad things about her but he still stays. you have to wonder what's keeping him there. if he just a friend treat his as such. i think he might be looking for a backup plan. You should really ask him why do you stay if it is so bad? don't become a bootie call.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): i think that if you really like this guy as your say you do, and you think he likes you back. then you should go for it, because its teh right thing to do, if this other woman that he is with is making his life horrible, if he comes to your for advice it means he can trust you, that he knows you care about him, that he feels save to consol in you, not just that he needs someone to have a mona at, he might be a grown man, but sometimes everyone needs a little help in live. My dear, i've seen a number of my own friends in situations like your own, sit back and so nothing, and end up in a perpatual hole of tehre own self induced misery, its time to be selfish and go for gold, if you want him,, then make his life better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks quiet echo ... Well this is the thing , he used to do just that , call just for a cuddle and a moan , yet the last-time he wanted to arrange a night jammin' out on a computer game with me , he was looking for work close to me so he could come and stay at mine , and now wants to arrange a night out with me and my friends , it seems he's wanting to do more with me than ever , whereas it used to be the other way around - but he's in this relationship - it's so hard for me to swollow my pride and advise him on what is best without sounding biased. Im trying my best to be a friend to him :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou :) .. Just feel a little bit helpless with it all xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): Care is called for here. Does he only call you when he wants to hook up for a cuddle and a moan? Try not to see substance where there is just a promised shadow. He is not with you. He is bending over backwards to meet her demands. And he's complying and putting up with her demands. While he stays with her, she has more sway with him than you. If and when he leaves her, - Or she leaves him. Only then may he approach you, to become your guy. Until that happens he is not yours. And his problems with his girlfriend are his problems to solve..
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