A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:One of my parent’s closest friends (we’ll call him ‘X’)and I enjoy a mutual hobby which has the blessing of his wife and my boyfriend since neither of them enjoy this hobby. (Additionally, my ex-boyfriend was their son. I severed all contact with their son since he treated me really badly. See, I said it was a tangled web!)Six months ago, X confessed to me that he had fancied me for months. He realised that nothing could happen from it and we left it at that. I would never ever cheat on my partner whom I love with all my heart, and besides this would have been wrong on so many levels even if I didn’t have a partner not least because I have known this guy all my life and think on him as a father figure and also that I went out with his son!I told my boyfriend about it all and he has been amazing. He said he knew it was a hobby that was dear to my heart and has said he would like me to continue with it.However, I have found that I have lost all enthusiasm for this hobby right now. X and I keep making arrangements to pursue our hobby but I keep cancelling. I keep wondering why. At first, his confession did not bother me but then I backed right off for quite some time in the hopes that he would concentrate on his wife but apparently he is now out every night of the week pursuing this hobby. I feel quite resentful toward him at the moment. I appreciate that he had to get his confession off his chest because it was driving him mad, but I feel it was quite a selfish thing to do because of our families’ intertwined lives and our respective partners. I now find it difficult speaking to his wife who I have always got on well with because I feel like I am harbouring some deep dark secret from her. X has also been annoying me alot lately on the few occasions when I have gone out with him since the confession. I have always thought he is a bit of a fanatasist - he reckons many people have told him he could be a pro at this hobby and yet he really isn’t that good. He reckons that he has many friends within the hobby yet they never speak to him when I am there?!? He constantly asks me if I am alright and I mean like every 2 minutes or so! It is starting to freak me out. He is particularly bad when I like to look around and see what the other hobbyists are up to - it’s like he wants the attention on him all the time. I think the final straw for me came when he started a childish arguement about something so minor - there was a friend of his who was being really silly about something and X criticised him behind his back about it. I happened to think X was right but then months later when X was asked to do the exact same thing he refused to do it too. I felt he was such a hypocrite and it was like all my respect for him disappeared on the spot.I would like to pursue this hobby on my own more because I think with X around all the time it is preventing me from making other friends; however I live in a rural area with no transport/public transport to get to the venues, of which the best ones are many miles away. There is also the problem that if I do pursue this hobby on my own then I am bound to bump into him. X and I did have a good arrangement going - he provided the transport and I provided the like mind. Also because I have known him for many years I felt safe going out to venues with him. I would feel quite vulnerable going out in the evenings by myself.Can anyone shed some light on why ‘X’ is acting the way he is? I think I need to explain how I feel to him but I am not sure how to do it without him feeling totally rejected. After all, he is still a friend of my parents. Do you think there is a way we can get over this and still go out occasionally or am I being unrealistic?
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female
reader, malvern +, writes (17 May 2008):
 I would give X a wide berth. He fancies you and he's trying to posses you and control you. You may even have to give up the hobby for a while. Also, I would have a chat to your parents - you're all mature people - and put them in the picture about the situation. They may be able to offer some good advice or support. Is there nobody else in this hobby club that you can pal up with? Give this man the cold shoulder and branch out on your own or you'll have him hanging around you forever. He may be your parents friend but he is also a pest who should know better.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 I'm not sure why X acts this way regarding his hobby. I do know that his teling you he fancied you was inappropriate in so many ways, like you said yourself.
If I were you, I would keep on with the hobby by myself. And I would just say "hi" or something if I bumped into him. But I would stay away from him.
Take care.
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